Pick 'em and Eat 'em

West End students share Christmas traditions

2009-12-25T09:37:00.001-08:00

Teacher Carol Payne asked her students in her Challenge Program at West End Elementary to write about their favorite holiday traditions.

Hi, my name is Emma. I will tell you some of the things I do on Christmas. Every Christmas we put up a huge Christmas tree. Also my brother and I have one. We decorate it, and my mom and dad go to Walmart, the mall and other places to buy Christmas presents. We can’t go with them unless they are not shopping for us. And every Christmas I make cookies with my Easy Bake I got for Christmas, and we put out eggnog for Santa Claus. We also put out food for the reindeer. They LOVE it so much! Then we eat chili, mashed potatoes and green beans. Then we go in my grandmother’s den and look in our stockings to see what she got us, and we unwrap our presents she got us. Then we go home and go to sleep, and then I am the one to get up first, and I get everybody up. We open the presents and stockings to see what my parents got me! That is my family’s Christmas tradition. Emma Hamilton

My favorite holiday tradition is helping the poor get gifts for Christmas. Around Christmastime my grandmother, at her church, draws tickets for the needy people, and this year she drew for an 11-year-old boy. That’s how old I am. I hope he is going to be happy. If he is, that will show the true Christmas spirit. I will feel so happy. I will give him a couple pairs of clothes to wear. Another one of my favorite holiday traditions is to watch Christmas specials with my family. We normally watch the old Charlie Brown winter special and the old Frosty the Snowman video, too. I like doing that, because I feel like I am included. After we do that then we open our presents. I really like my family’s holiday traditions. Zac Rohner

Christmas has pretty much the same idea in every home: give and be given, but every home also does everything differently. What’s it like in other families? I’ll tell you about mine. We never use a real Christmas tree. It might catch fire and burn my home to ashes. We use an old, plastic, foldable tree. We also have an angel we use instead of a star. My sister always gets to put it on the "tree." Grrrrrrrrrrrr … And my parents take a picture of her putting it on every time! Grrrrrrrrr again … On Christmas Eve it’s really night time that everything happens. Every other part is like any other day. Dad always reads us “The Night before Christmas” right before bed. Mom baked cookies for Santa already. You know how hard it is to sleep as a kid when it’s Christmas? Really. My brother, Steven, and I both have Nintendo DS’s, and they have built-in alarm clocks, so we set ‘em for 7 a.m. We never go in until Mom and Dad let us, and they actually have to be awake. Santa never wraps his presents to us, so as soon as we walk in, we know what they are. Dad hands each person their wrapped gifts, and most of them are from him and Mom. Steven always asks for at least one video or PC game, and he always gets one, at least. The receiver of the gift must hug the giver after opening. You know what the living room looks like after "The Great Opening?" A mess! Of course we clean it up, play with presents, and have an amazing time with my family. Samuel Godfrey

We decorate our Christmas tree the week after Thanksgiving. Almost every Christmas we have gingerbread houses. After choir we made a huge gingerbread house at our church. We made a log gingerbread house. Christmas is another one of my favorite holidays. Matt Knauss

My favorite Christmas tradition is Christmas morning. My sisters wake me up, "Lauren! Lauren! It’s Christmas!" I leap out of bed and jump for joy. We run down the staircase, and we are so excited that we don’t even stop to say good morning to mom or dad. As soon as we get downstairs we check and see if Santa wrote us a letter and ate all the snacks! We check to see if the reindeer ate all the carrots. Then we fly through the living room to the stockings and pull them down faster than I could jump up in the air! We always are so anxious to see what we got. We always love what’s in them. One year I got toothpaste, and I didn’t even care! After that my parents wake up, and the minute they walk in the room you can hear a chorus of "Look what I got...Look what I got!" Next, my mom walks in the living room with the video camera, and we run to the Christmas tree. My sisters and I are chanting, "Which one is mine??? Which one is mine??" We find our gifts and say, "That’s just what I wanted! Thank you, Santa!" This is why I always look forward to Christmas morning with my family. Lauren Murphy

I like Christmas because it’s the most wonderful time of the year. I like candy canes, Christmas cookies, Christmas carols, and most of all presents. Nicholas Price

Every year, for as long as I can remember my family visited my Godmother Nina for Christmas. Her son Sandro is my best friend. We usually arrive to their house late at night. As we drive up to the house, we see that it is decorated with Christmas lights. My brother and I jump out of the car and run to ring the door bell. Sandro is already standing at the door in his furry slippers, waiting for us. We hurry in and the first thing we see is a beautiful Christmas tree. I love the fresh pine scent! I hear clinking and clanging from the kitchen where Sandro’s mom and Grandma are cooking festive dinner. They are baking delicious khachapuri. Khachapuri is a traditional Georgian meal. I love gooey cheese inside the soft flat bread. Yum! I can’t get enough of it. We run upstairs to play with Sandro’s toys in his playroom. Suddenly we hear a door bell! We rush downstairs yelling: Santa!!! Sandro yanks the door open...but nobody is there. I hang my head low but then I see...PRESENTS! Santa left us presents on a doorstep. We are excited and can’t wait to open our gifts. Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year. Christmas is coming, and I can’t wait to go to Sandro’s this year to celebrate! Michael Odintsov

Ever since I was little I’ve enjoyed all of my Christmases so far. In fact, I always will. I’ve enjoyed the tree, the star, putting the decorations up, the lights, the music, the merriness and happiness, the gifts, the Santa swap and the food. One of the things I like best is bringing joy to others. You should try it. It makes you feel good. You be nice, or else you’ll get karma. Karma is when you’re nice and then something good happens. When you do something bad, something bad happens. If you are bad all year you get coal, but if you are good you get presents. That’s karma. Bringing joy to others and helping others are the best things you can do for Christmas. That’s my favorite Christmas tradition. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Skylar Breeden

My favorite Christmas tradition is when we set up the Christmas tree. When we get the Christmas tree from downstairs pine needles fall out. Our Christmas tree is very old. Then, we get the ornaments. There are many ornaments. Crash! An ornament falls and breaks. We clean up the broken glass. Finally, we get to put on the ornaments. It looks great when we finish. Just one more thing ... the angel! We set the angel on the tippy top of the Christmas tree. "Meow!" The cat is under the special tree. I laugh. This Tradition is FUN! Have a very Merry Christmas!!! John Knauss

My favorite Christmas tradition is putting up the Christmas tree and putting the ornaments on it. The first thing we do in the morning is see what Santa brought us. Christmas morning Nana, Pops, Grandmother, Tim and Uncle Casey come to eat breakfast at my house. When we finish eating we show them what we got. We play with our toys. We go to Nana’s house, and our cousins come, too. We get lots of toys. We have lots of fun. Merry Christmas! Julia Cornwell

On Christmas Eve my family never opens presents, except for our Christmas pajamas that we get every year. Last year I got fighter helicopter pajamas that were made from silk. On Christmas Day we wake up around 2 a.m. to look from the balcony at all the presents. We have a big tree that makes the room sparkle! On Christmas morning if Santa didn’t eat all the cookies we eat the rest! I love doing that because I can really feel the Christmas spirit. Jake Hutchison

When I wake up I have to wait on my sister to wake up, and my dad and mom. When my sister, Ashley, wakes up we look first in our stockings, and then we open our presents. We read who the presents came from, and then we put our things in a pile. When we’re done we have to pick up our scraps, and then my dad takes us to our papa’s and grandma’s house, and everybody in our family comes. Everybody gets one, two or three presents. Christmas is my first favorite holiday because we get presents, and we celebrate with our family. Joshua Barnett

Hi, my name is Brianna, but you can call me Anna. My favorite Christmas tradition is putting up the Christmas tree with my mom and my brother, Paul. We always put the tree up on a sunny day. We put up the tree while my dad is at work. My mom waits until I get home from school to put up the tree. She never puts up the tree without me. We start after I finish my homework. First, we go to the shed to get the tree. The tree is very heavy, so have to work together. I go open the back door so we can get in. Paul holds the door so it doesn’t close while we try to get in. Now the hard part is over. We run back out to get the ornaments. Paul is still holding the door as we run in with the ornaments. He shuts the door after mom and I get in. Next, we assemble the tree. It’s very hard to assemble the tree. It takes FOREVER. Soon, I go to my room to get the porcelain ornaments while Mom puts up other ornaments. The ones from the shed go on bottom, and the ones from my room go on the top. It takes one or two hours to finish. Last, but not least, my mom puts the Rainbow Light Tinkerbell on top of the tree. It looks beautiful. When my dad gets home he says mom and I did good. I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Brianna Lynn Cadle

My family’s Christmas traditions are very exiting and fun. First, we have to take a very long trip of about 36 hours to Cuaracurio, Mituacan, which is in Mexico. We go there to see our grandfathers and grandmothers because we have a tradition in which we try our best to be with our family. We celebrate like this because for us the main thing about Christmas is that you should treat everybody the same, even if you don’t like them. When we arrive in Presious Cuara, we always go to my dad’s mom’s house first, which is connected to the temple. We go to the temple and give thanks to God for letting us arrive safely. After that the excitement starts! The very first tradition we have is called a Posada. In the Posada a boy from our pueblo dresses up like Jesus, and a girl from our pueblo dresses up like Mary. We walk behind them singing songs. When we arrive to where the Posada is going to be, we sit down and pray. When we finish praying, we go through a door in which a person is giving bags of candy to the people that came. The posada last for about 8-10 days. We do this because it is a way to celebrate Jesus and Mary. Another tradition we have is called a Castillo. A Castillo is like a type of big, skinny tower with lots of fireworks. At night they turn on the fireworks, and it looks beautiful. We have three or four Castillos. The last tradition we have is at the end of the year. First, we get ready and go to our grandfather’s house. At night we head on to walk with the rest of the people that are going to the parade. Usually everybody in the pueblo goes to the parade. We walk with bells almost all around the pueblo, and then we go to the place were the biggest Castillo is going to be held. We watch as they turn it on. After the Castillo is over we go to the temple where four people are going to carry two baby Jesuses. When they start to carry the two baby Jesuses covered with colorful blanket, we light some fireworks, ones you can hold in your hand without getting burned, to honor God for all the things he has done for us. At the end of the celebration we go to a house to eat. The celebration is so fun. These are the celebrations we have. For us they are so excited and fun. Everybody has different celebrations, but for me my celebrations are the best. Alejandro Cornejo

First we go to the living room to open presents. When we are finished we have a big breakfast. Next, we play with our toys until lunch. At lunch we clean the dish of milk and cookies that Santa had eaten. Then we eat the ham, carrots and some cake. Then we play with our toys until dinner. At dinner we eat the rest of the ham and turkey, salad,and cake. Then we go to bed. these are my Christmas traditions. Chloe Allana Tilton

"T’was the night before Christmas" is a very different tale if you read it in Cajun the way I do! It’s not really a different language; it’s just hard to understand. After that we go to one of my aunt’s or uncle’s houses for a Christmas party. My mom’s side of the family has done this since before I was born. We (AKA "all the kids") draw names to decide who to give presents to on Christmas Eve, but siblings have to wait until Christmas morning. When we get home we put baby Jesus in the manger and put out eggnog and cookies for Santa. Then my brother, sister, and I crowd into Sissy’s bed and watch a movie. After we wake up really early, we run to the living room to check out our presents from Santa and from each other. We especially want to see presents from Ma’e and Aunt Cathy. Then it’s clean up time! Skylar Chamness

On Christmas we like to get up early for breakfast. We normally eat pancakes. Then we open our presents. Then we go in the kitchen and write thank you cards. This year we are going to Utah to see my mom’s side of the family. I am excited to go to Utah. Emily Hutchinson

My favorite part of Christmas is the presents, putting up the Christmas tree, and decorating the Christmas tree. I will go toPennsylvania for Christmas for a week. I love Christmas. Ben Miller

On Christmas I go to my grandmother’s house. We call her Mim. We get presents because we were not there on Christmas Eve. Grandpa John has three Christmas trees. These are my favorite Christmas things. Anwyn Shanahan

Every Christmas our family comes to our house, and we all give presents to each other. Then we eat ham and turkey, and then we go to our aunt’s house. We celebrate Jesus’ birthday. Then we go back to my aunt’s house to open presents. Christmas is my first favorite holiday in the world.Jennifer Vazquez

First, my family wakes up on Christmas Eve, and we eat breakfast and clean up. Second, we make sure we have everyone a present. If we do, we gather them and ride around and go to visit the people whose names are on the nametags. By then it’s about lunchtime, so we eat lunch. Third, we go to my uncle and aunt’s house. We also eat, and we open presents there, too. After a little while we go home and go to bed .The next morning I wake up and scream, "It’s here! It is Christmas!" I open all my toys, and after that I usually play with my wonderful, fabulous TOYS. That’s my Christmas tradition. Brinsley Bagley

My favorite Christmas tradition is when on Christmas Eve we finish dinner, we wash the dishes, and after that, we open presents. We always invite my Maw Maw over for Christmas. My Maw Maw and I go wait by the presents until my parents get there. When my parents get there, we start to hand out presents. When I get my presents, I rip off the wrapping paper. After that, we watch a movie. Then I go to bed. On Christmas morning, I wake up and go get my brother up. His name is Stephen. My mom makes me cover my eyes when I go up there because the presents are right there. Then Stephen and I come downstairs. Then I open my eyes. I see all my presents from Santa! I look at my presents, and I like them all. After that, my mom makes a special breakfast. Then I play with my presents. Usually we watch a Christmas movie. Then my brother and I go outside to throw a football. When Christmas is over I always think about doing the same thing next year, but the only different thing I will do the next year is I will get different presents. Ryan Ward

My favorite Christmas tradition is when we put up the Christmas tree and put on the ornaments. Santa brings my sisters and me presents. We play with our toys. Then we have a family gathering. Nana, Larry, Mimi, Papa, and lots of people come. It is fun. Kaitlyn Murphy

On Christmas I love going to my aunt and uncle’s house. Mom and I make apple pie and punch. Then we load it up and get in the car. We drive all the way to Jasper. We pull in the driveway of a white house with a tan roof. I get out and hug my aunt. She helps by bringing in the punch. Then we all sit at the table and eat. The smooth, brown table always looks long at Christmas. After we eat, my cousin, Anthony, and I go play football in the back yard. When we come in, we wash up and go open presents. Afterwards the shine on the tree fades, and my mom, my cousins, and I leave. We all say goodbye. I tell Mandy bye, too. Mandy is a dog. We start on our LONGER drive to my grandmother’s house. There we open more presents. Christmas is always fun. Tamryn Watters

My favorite tradition is when I put Christmas decorations on my mom’s Christmas tree and my grandma’s tree, too. When I grow up I am going to carry on the tradition. My mom and I are going to decorate our tree. We already decorated my grandma’s tree. When I decorate my mom’s tree I bet it will be fun. We might get a real Christmas tree. I am looking forward to that. I hope we can do that. Here’s a question. Do you have a real tree? That’s my favorite Christmas tradition. Will Smith

Every Christmas we have a traditional party. No one has been naughty. Everyone loves Mama’s homemade cake. Jackson Shaw

Every Christmas eve we take time to finish decorating our house. On Christmas morning we have a big breakfast. Then we watch TV. Next we hang out and talk. It’s finally Christmas night! We open presents, and then play with them. Next, we get ready for bed. Christmas in my favorite holiday. Riley Wallace

Every Christmas Eve we go to my Maw maw’s house. We eat finger foods and drink eggnog and soda. Next, we gather in her tiny living room to open presents. Everybody gets at least seven to eight presents. After we open presents we go home. We put cookies and milk out for Santa. On Christmas morning we get up and open more presents. Next we cook for my Nana and PaPa. After that we go to my Papa’s mom’s house and play Dirty Santa. That is why these are my favorite Christmas traditions. I’m looking forward to another good Christmas. I hope Santa is good to me, and I hope Santa is good to you, too. Merry Christmas! Alex Harrison

My favorite Christmas memory was on a very fine Christmas morning when I woke up, and I was so very sleepy that I even forgot that it was Christmas morning. I went back to sleep again, ignoring Christmas morning. When it was 12 p.m., my little sister jumped on top of me with her pajamas, and I shouted, "HEY! What was that for?" I asked my little sister. "Hello, it’s Christmas morning, Mayko!" my little sister told me. I was very concerned because I woke up the right time to open my presents. I went to my living room, and I saw 34 presents under the Christmas tree! I was very happy that Santa Claus brought presents for me and all my family. All my family and I ran to our Christmas tree. We opened our presents. I opened my presents, and I got a Play Station 2. My sister got a dollhouse, and so did my little sister. My dad got a soccer ball for Christmas, and my mom got a wonderful dress for Christmas. We all had more presents to open. My dad said, "What are we waiting for?" "Let’s open our presents!’ my mom told us. So we all started to open our presents. We all had very much fun opening our presents. That is my favorite Christmas memory. Merry Christmas, everyone! (Feliz Navidad) Mayko Calmo

When Christmas comes we get some cookies from my nanny’s house. We eat some food, and then we go home. When we get home we get out the milk and cookies. In the morning I always go in the kitchen to see if Santa Claus ate the cookies and drank the milk. After I check to see, I go wake my mommy, and then we go in the living room to open presents. My mommy brings the camera, too. She gets a trash bag to put all the wrapping paper in. After we are done opening gifts, we go over my nanny’s house and everybody is there. Then we open more presents there. Next, we eat and maybe play some games, and then we leave. I always have a FUN Christmas with my family. P.S. I LOVE Christmas!!!! DeMya Bryan

Do you have a family tradition? Well, I do. Let me tell you about my family traditions. What we do is we go to Tennessee to see my grandfather. We travel about four and a half hours to get to his house. Before we leave we have to pack very warm clothes to wear because it is cold in Tennessee when it is winter. When we get to Tennessee it is almost always around noon, if we leave at about 7 in the morning. Then, when we get there, we unpack our stuff. Next, we eat lunch, and our cousins come over. At about 6 p.m. our cousins leave. Since we like to go to Tennessee on Christmas Eve, the next day is Christmas! That night we put out cookies and milk for Santa, and we go to bed. The next day when we wake up the cookies and milk are gone! One time I stayed up till 12 a.m. But, too bad for me. Santa came after 12 because I never saw him. On Christmas day Abby (my sister) and I go feed a horse named Spike. We do lots of other cool stuff. About two days later it’s time for us to leave, so we pack our bags and go home. Now you know my Christmas tradition! What’s yours? Caroline Young

Every Christmas morning we get up and give each other gifts. Then we go to Grandpa’s house. The whole family eats biscuits, gravy, fried chicken, sausage and bacon. Then we gather around the tree, and one of use give out presents. After we open all of the presents we play with them. After an hour we take all the wrapping paper and throw it away. There are 11 of us, and we get more than one present, so that’s a lot of paper! We load it all up and go home and play with some and put the rest up. Then we wait ‘till next year! Nic Bray

My favorite Christmas tradition starts out with getting the tree! We walk around a big field that’s filled with Christmas trees, looking for the perfect tree. When we finally find it a man cuts the tree, and we take it home and set it up. When it’s finally Christmas Eve we have hot cocoa and go to bed. When we wake up we eat, and then we open all the presents and look in our stockings! I play with my toys all day and have a great Christmas! Lily Chesnut

On Christmas Eve we always go to my great grandma Bowen’s house. We get together on my mom’s side of the family and have an early Christmas. My mom and grandma make dressing, turkey, cranberry sauce, and rolls. Once we are done eating we go in the living room and open presents. After that McKenzie, Dayton, and I go in my grandma’s yard and play football 1 vs. 2. Next, we say goodbye to everyone and drive home. When we are going home we ALWAYS go to Cracker Barrel. When we get home we give our dog its regular bone it always gets for Christmas. Before we go to bed we ALWAYS open a present on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day we open our presents and go to Nanny’s house. We get presents from our Nanny, and my cousins come over and play. These are my favorite Christmas traditions. Bo Crick

My family on my dad’s side always trades names, but on my mom’s side we get numbers. On my dad’s side we write down what we want for Christmas and give it to the host, and then he or she will give them out during Thanksgiving. Then they have to buy a present for that person. On my mom’s side on Christmas we get numbers and get the present that has that number on it. It is always fun to see who has whose name. Blakely Herod

Every Christmas Eve I go to bed really late. About the time I lay down, I hear the attic door open right outside my bedroom door. It creaks so loud it is practically impossible not to hear. In the morning I wake up extremely early. I mean, we’re talking 6:30 in the morning! That is very early for a 9-year-old boy. Well, every Christmas morning I sprint into the family room. It is filled with presents! My parents say that I have to wait for everybody to get up before I can open my presents. They say it would he unfair for me to open presents when everybody is asleep. When everybody wakes up, we eat breakfast. We have egg and cheese biscuits. Then we go to the family room and open our presents. We each take turns so each of us opens one present at a time. The next place we go is my grandmother and grandfather’s house to have lunch. My whole family that is on my mom’s side is there. Everybody brings a dish so we can have a buffet. There are appetizers and desserts. After lunch we all sit down around the Christmas tree and open our presents. After that my family goes with my step dad to his sister’s house. She has mac and cheese, rolls, meat, and all kinds of stuff. After dinner we all go to the Christmas tree and open our presents. The next day I go to my dad’s house in the morning. I eat breakfast there. It might be breakfast burritos, or it might he bacon, eggs, toast, and cheesy grits. If I can go to my papa’s house then my presents will be there. But if I can’t go there, then my presents are at my dad’s house. The last place I go is my dad’s mom’s house. She cooks dumplings and fried liver. It is so good. After lunch we open our presents. Last year I got a thick sleeping bag and a laptop. I have a big Christmas!! Matthew Hines

Every Christmas Eve my family, including my cousins, gathers together to do something called "Secret Santa" and "Santa Trade." The kids do Secret Santa, where you write your name on a piece of paper and put it in a basket. You then shake the basket and take out a name, and whoever’s name you get you give that person a present. Next comes the Santa Trade, where parents always just buy presents. They don’t know who’s going to get that present, but they still buy one. Once they buy the presents they gather together to start. First, parents pick out a number. If they get the biggest number and don’t like their present they can trade with whoever they want, but if you have the lowest number you can’t trade with anyone unless they trade with you. If you get the lowest number you are likely to get the WORST present! I can’t wait until this Christmas Eve and hope it’s as good as other years. I love my Christmas traditions. Erick Luna

On Christmas my family loves to decorate the house, and we have a great feast with turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy. I like the steamy ham. We also love to get a lot of presents, and all of us get together so we can love each other. All of our pets get some presents, too, like bones, sweaters and blankets. I think Christmas is the best holiday, because I love it. This year is going to be the best Christmas ever. Irvyn N. Rivera

My favorite Christmas tradition is when my mom, my sister, and I put lights in all the little houses that we collect. We have this stair-like table, and we put the houses on the table. On the bottom part it is like the first Christmas. On the second one is like the Middle Ages Christmas. And finally on the top is like our present-time Christmas. In the small houses we put little lights in them, and it makes them glow. On Christmas Day right before we open our gifts my mom, my sister, and I put little lights in the houses, so it’s like we’re traveling through time. After that my mom, my sister, and I go get three statues for each part of the display. The first one we put is on the bottom part, so we put a baby Jesus there. On the second we put a middle-aged Jesus statue and on the top one we put a grown up Jesus. Then we all sit down and open our gifts from oldest to youngest.Kimberly Santacruz

I like all of my family’s traditions, but the one I like the most is the one where my sisters, my brother, and I try to guess what we got from Santa Claus. Each year when we try to guess what Santa brought we always get it wrong. This Christmas I’m going try to guess right. We always sit around the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve and try to guess what we got from Santa, and then on Christmas we open them to see if we were right. I really like this tradition because it’s really fun trying to guess what Santa brought us. Sergio Vazquez Santillian

Every year, we put up our Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving. My mom, my sister, and I decorate the tree and set up all of our ornaments. My dad sets up the Christmas village. We put out wreaths on our front windows. We hang stockings by the fireplace. They were made by my grandmother. I usually open gifts from my parents on Christmas Eve and presents from the rest of my family on Christmas Day after lunch. On Christmas morning, I wake up extra early. Then I wake up my mom. She always tells me to go back to sleep. That’s not possible for me. Once I’m awake, I’m awake. Nothing’s going to change it. I keep looking at my toys and keep trying to wake my mother up! One tradition we have is that we have an Advent Christmas tree that we add ornaments to every day until Christmas. This year, I have my own- a Lego Advent calendar. I get to build something every day! Matt Boyd

Every Christmas my family has many traditions. A few days before Christmas we go to Nashville, Tennessee, to visit my grandfather. We finally get there after four hours of sitting in the car. Once it’s Christmas Eve, my mom lets Caroline and me open one present. While we are opening our presents, my mom starts baking cookies. Once the cookies are done we eat a few. After eating the cookies we put two cookies, two carrots and milk near the fireplace for Santa. When I was little I used to try to stay up and catch Santa. Then on Christmas Day we open our presents, and then we empty our stockings. On Christmas our friends Marty and Danny come over, and we exchange presents. Since our friends are coming over, we have to clean up my grandfather’s messy living room. We come back home a few days after Christmas. Then our dad drives us around, and we look at all the beautiful Christmas lights and decorations. Twelve days after Christmas we take down the Christmas tree. I can’t wait for this Christmas! Abby Young

My family has many holiday traditions. Every year we go to Alabama on Christmas Eve to eat and open gifts. The rush getting ready to get there is such a hassle, but I have to do it. I dress nice and warm for the half hour drive. When I get there it is all hugs and hellos. The lines are long because there are so many people and so much food to choose from, and it takes forever to get everything. Then my cousins and I open our gifts from each other. The grown-ups play a game called Dirty Santa. That is a game where you buy random gifts, and you get to steal other’s presents. Sleepy, my dad and I get in the car and drive back home. We listen to Christmas songs, and we just talk. When we get home I am tired so I head straight to bed. The next morning my mom and my dad watch and take pictures of me opening presents. I can just see the red and green wrapping paper and bows fly across^-the room! My tree is right beside my window so it always catches my attention because I can see the reflection of the lights and shiny ornaments against the glass. The house is quiet while everyone looks at the reaction on my face. Afterwards I head to my mom’s family’s house. I eat there, too, and I have a blast with my four and five year old cousins, Chandler and Austin. Many people have traditions that they may like or dislike. I happen to like all mine and have a fun following them. I hope many more are brought into my family. Aaliyah Lewis

Every December my family has many Christmas traditions. Here are a few of them. Our first tradition is that we go to our church a few days before Christmas for the Christmas nativity. I am always the littlest angel because I’m only ten. Since I’m the littlest angel I’m usually only out for fifteen minutes, but you can stay out for the full thirty minutes. If you want to see the Christmas nativity, drive by Trinity United Methodist Church on Shorter Avenue anytime during the week before Christmas, starting at about seven o’clock to nine o’clock. If you do you’ll see the Christmas nativity. Another family tradition is that on Christmas Eve my grandmother and grandfather come up for Christmas. We go to the candlelight service. The next day we open presents and celebrate Christmas. On the twenty-sixth my grandparents usually go home, and on the 27th we go up to their house in North Carolina to have Christmas with my mom’s side of the family. Then we stay up through New Year’s so we can have our usual New Year’s party. It’s always a blast. I love the Christmas season! Ally Campbell

My favorite family traditions lay in this letter. One of my favorite things to do is bake sugar pecans with my mom. I love to eat them. They are brown with a sugary coat. I also like to play with the leftover wrapping paper. It is so colorful like parts of rainbows shooting through the air. I hear laughing and screaming. One thing I love to do, and everyone else who gets gifts, is go play with them! Another thing I do is go visit family. The trip there is so long! Just kidding, since it’s only 45 minutes, but it seems longer because I’m accepting gifts. I walk in the house that smells like pine and has a small tree with lots of gifts under it. After opening the presents more paper is flying through the air. Then we decide which ones we will keep there and which ones I will take home. It is a hard decision, but once it’s made, it’s made. Then we eat things like chicken and sweets. Next we have to go to visit more family who are fifteen to twenty minutes away from this place. The drive here isn’t very interesting. It isn’t really in the country, but it’s not very busy, either. When we get there we go straight to the presents, but by then it is time for some food. Again! We eat basically the same thing, but not as much. Afterward we hope it’s time for presents, and you would think since the same thing happens each year we would know it’s not time for presents yet, but we don’t. Then the grown ups talk while we kids jump on the trampoline, because we don’t have any family members that get snow. I mean like snow-snow. You know. when the snow lands on the ground and doesn’t melt! Oh well, but the time still passes quickly, but not quick enough. When the time finally comes we run inside and grab our presents and start ripping away. We aren’t allowed to throw paper here, but it is getting late by now so we need to go home in time for Christmas, and not just Christmas Eve, like today. We always make it home in time to eat a small snack if we can and then go to bed. I dream dreams about Christmas and all the presents I will get. I can hear them being set down, but I don’t get up. I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Then I go back to sleep. Before I know it, Christmas is here! We eat breakfast and sugar pecans. Present time is now. We open our gifts and the past seems to repeat itself. Again we are laughing, screaming, and throwing paper. After the whole day of playing, right before I go to sleep, I realize how much I’m glad to have my family because without them I wouldn’t have gotten the gifts, and without the gifts Christmas wouldn’t have been very good, but it still would have been a kind of Christmas. I know I am happy and thankful. Hope you have a good Christmas and to all a good night. Kaitlyn M. Broadaway

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is to eat ham like a pig on Christmas. I go to my Nanna and Pappa’s house and stuff myself with all I can eat But, to get to Nanna and Pappas we have to drive for two hours in the middle of the night! It is awesome on Christmas Eve at my house! I stay up………..not at all! I go to bed early, like 8:30! I dream of Bakugan and baseball stuff! I love Christmas morning! Our family wakes up at 6 am to see what Santa got us. We have a 10 o’clock breakfast, and then we head to Hanna and Pappa’s house for more presents! After lunch, we go to G’MAMMA and G’DADDY’S house for more presents! Dinner is always awesome on Christmas, including turkey, ham, and dressing. Then, we just go home. Our family traditions may not be like yours, but all I know is that they’re really fun!! Andrew Tallant

My Christmas begins with dinner of honey roasted ham, with a side of fresh biscuits and green beans. Then, we will have cherry pie for a Christmas traditional color, and it also reminds us of the Shepherd’s pie. Afterward, we will go to my church for the Christmas Eve program, where we will discuss the importance of Jesus Christ, our Savior. When we leave we will look around for Christmas lights. We always find a house with great, glittering lights. There we might find reindeer in the front, waving from side to side making a magnificent scene. Many small decorations will be scattered about, but the greatest one will be the sleigh, glowing red. When we go home we will sit around the tree and read the story of baby Jesus. By doing this, we will honor that He was born. Later, we will open one present of ours to represent that Jesus was born this night. Then, we will go to our beds and go to sleep, but we will be very eager for Christmas tomorrow! Charlotte Roberts

My favorite Christmas tradition is on Christmas Day. Once I wake up, if no one else is awake, I will go to every room and wake everyone up. Once everyone is awake, we go to the living room and start to open presents. I always start with the biggest gift because I can’t wait to see what is inside. We take turns opening presents because my mom doesn’t want us to see two presents at one time because it wouldn’t be fair to my sister and everyone else who gets presents. Once we’re done opening presents we eat a big dinner. After that my mom drives us to my grandmother’s house to eat a big dinner. There isn’t a specific meal we eat; we just eat various foods. We look forward to eating at her house because it is very good, and we never know what we’re going to eat. That is my favorite Christmas traditions, and we love doing it every year. Cage Floyd

Every Christmas I wake up my brothers, and then we wake up my mom and dad. Then we open presents all morning. Then at night we eat dinner. Jax Bray

On Christmas morning we open our presents and play with the toys. Luke Corbett

On Christmas we go to my grandmother’s house. Next, we go to see the lights. Last, we throw a party. Finally, we go to sleep, and the next morning it’s present time. Jaymon Lee

First look: New iPhone games from Electronic Arts

2009-12-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, EA Mobile unveiled three new games that are coming soon to an iPhone or iPod touch near you. Though no release dates have been set yet, look for theses titles in the coming weeks.

Spore Creatures

Spore Creatures is an adaptation of the creature phase from 2008’s evolution simulator, Spore (). But thanks to some impressive graphics and an accelerometer-controlled top-down display, Spore Creatures looks to be a game carefully developed for the iPhone platform.

The producer for Spore Creatures, Kam Zambel, sat down with me to demonstrate the gameplay of this evolution simulator. The developers worked hard to create an open world environment for players to explore with their unique critters. The dedication to open-ended gameplay isn’t limited to the 20 levels for your creature to scavenge, hunt, and discover, but also to the game’s iconic creature creator. Thanks to the iPhone’s touchscreen display, manipulating the creature’s body is only a pull, pinch, or flick away. Kam explains that with 45 creature parts and five different character traits to level up (offensive, defensive, socialization, movement, and perception), the combinations for unique creatures are virtually infinite.
The game begins when your creature makes its first tepid steps onto land. You’ll have to eat creatures smaller than yours to stay alive and collect their DNA to evolve. You can befriend creatures or attack and eat them; each strategy has advantages and disadvantages. You’ll also encounter puzzles that will unlock new areas to explore or allow you to defeat “epic creatures” you’ll encounter in certain areas. During the demo, Kam showed that in order to get past a boulder, her creature needed to develop legs and pull the rock away.

Throughout gameplay, you can evolve three times and reach new zones. You’ll encounter new parts to attach to your creature and develop its skills. The zones are varied too, from beach areas to forests to icy tundra. Each has its own unique creatures to encounter.
While Spore Creatures lacks multiplayer, EA is confident that the customizable abilities of the creatures (thanks to Spore’s innovative Creature Creator) and the wealth of things to explore will keep players interested. Spore Creatures will be compatible with all versions of the iPhone and iPod touch.

The Simpsons Arcade

Few cultural icons have the staying power or lasting impact of The Simpsons. Inspired by the 1991 arcade title and featuring the voice talents of the television show cast, The Simpsons Arcade for the iPhone and iPod touch is steeped in authenticity and reverence for the source material.
The game is a side-scrolling beat-’em-up, much in the style of the original arcade game. Steve Robert, producer of the Simpsons Arcade, explains that getting the characters and settings right was a top priority. To that end, Dan Castellaneta, Hank Azaria, Nancy Cartwright, and the other main voice actors all reprise their roles from the series for the iPhone game. When you hear Homer yell “D’oh!” it’s the actual voice of Homer, Dan Castellaneta. EA worked with Michael Price, one of the writers for the show, in order to ensure the game was as true to the series (and funny!) as possible.
The plot is something straight out of a Simpsons episode. You play as Homer, who by chance runs into Mr. Smithers while he is in possession of a special donut. Mr. Burns needs that donut and employs half of Springfield to stop Homer from getting to it. Homer, for his part, just wants the forbidden donut.
Each of the six levels features an iconic environment like the Springfield Mall, Krustyland, and Mr. Burn’s compound. As Homer, you’ll confront iconic bosses, mini bosses, and NPCs straight from the show. On the first level in the streets of Springfield, you’ll see Moe idly standing on the side of the street outside his bar. Snowball II runs past you at one point and you’ll eventually do battle with Chief Wiggum and Mayor Quimby (both of whom have been bribed by Mr. Burns).
As a brawler, Homer has a full range of attacks at his disposal, including punches, shoulder charges, belly flops, etc. Just like in the original arcade, you can pick up weapons and interact with the environment to a limited degree. The controls are simple too: there’s a touchpad D-pad in the corner and a couple buttons on the right. According to Steve Robert, you can earn extra lives and continues by finding trophies hidden throughout the levels and beating the minigames sprinkled through the game.

But what of Bart, Lisa, Marge and Maggie? Well, they’re in the game, as well. Though not as full playable characters, you can find tokens throughout the game that will call on them to aid you in battle. If you’re in a tough spot and confronted by a ton of enemies, finding one of these tokens can clear the stage quickly. Bart rides in and jumps on Homer’s back, shooting from his slingshot and taking out enemies. Lisa uses her jump rope and Marge and Maggie grant Homer improved fighting abilities and temporary invulnerability.
From my initial look at the game, The Simpsons Arcade for the iPhone looks to be an authentic and fun brawler. While we’d love to be able to play as the rest of the family, it’s understandable that EA wanted to keep the game focused. During the demo, the combat was well balanced, the environments great, and the references to the show numerous. If you’ve ever wanted to play as Homer on a donut-obsessed rampage, this is your chance.

Need for Speed Shift

Need for Speed Shift, the hotly anticipated sequel to Need for Speed Undercover, looks to offer more gameplay, more replayability, more content to unlock, and improved well, everything. From the stunning visuals to the extensive track and car lists, the game is sure to make every gear head happy.
Nikhil Dighe, associate producer for Need for Speed Shift, showed a preview of the game. The first thing you’ll notice is that this is probably the best looking game you’ve seen for the iPhone. The cars look realistic, the roads are beautiful, and when the soundtrack is thumping, it’s a really fun game to play.

While the game is designed to work on every generation of the iPod touch and iPhone, Nikhil admitted that the game runs best on the iPhone 3GS. Hopefully it will run better on some of the older model iPhones than Command and Conquer, another high-end EA title that really needs the 3GS's improved processor.
There are three modes to choose from: Quick Race, Career Mode, and Multiplayer. The “meat” of the game is in the Career Mode, where you can unlock three cities, four tiers, and twenty-eight events. Like the console games, unlocking content is based on earning stars. You may be able to earn several stars on the first track just by finishing first, but other stars (like leading from start to finish) will take time to unlock and keep you coming back for more. That’s why Nikhil believes Need for Speed Shift will offer more replayability than Need for Speed Undercover.
There are 20 licensed cars to earn, though you only start with two in your garage. The soundtrack is a big focus of this iteration of Need for Speed, including 20 licensed tracks from a variety of artists and unique, authentic sounds for each car’s engine. Not only can you see a realistic car, but you can hear what it’s like to drive it as well.
You can customize your car both visually and technically, offering a selection of kits and assists to improve your car’s performance and look.
But what is it like to actually play the game? We got a chance to race Nikhil in head to head multiplayer. The multiplayer mode allows for players to connect over Bluetooth or Wi-Fi. If players have the same access point over Bluetooth, up to four can play at a time. Otherwise, it’s limited to two players. Details on what kind of online multiplayer is available have yet to be revealed, but hopefully you can just hop in to a race against a random player online quickly and easily.
During our race, I switched between a cockpit view (which shows damage via a cracked windshield) and a third-person perspective that allows you to more fully see the racetrack (no car damage, however). The visuals were gorgeous and I really appreciated the arrows that helped novice players navigate (otherwise I would have never made some of those turns). I preferred using the iPhone like a steering wheel via the device’s accelerometer; it had just the right amount of sensitive and responded beautifully.

I’m not much of a racing fan, but Need for Speed Shift was a heck of a lot of fun to play. With the soundtrack blaring, the engines revving, and hairpin turns through some truly realistic courses, I can honestly say I’ve never played a more intense (or fun) racing game on the iPhone.

11W Weekend Update: Sponsored by Gall

2009-12-16T09:28:00.001-08:00

Ugly sweater (ahem, not vest mind you) season is in full effect, and with it comes the last (tear) quasi-traditional week of sport’s best regular season. While many of the games in particular we look at are as prefabricated and contrived as the material used to sew that only-wear-once conversation piece you’ll be rocking as Egg Nog becomes seasonal, who the hell cares? Extra college football including 5 games involving multiple ranked teams playing each other? Please and thank you.

Two months back, reader Wil recommended we reawaken the tradition from Weekend Update’s predecessor that was listing the games we featured’s spreads as well as throwing up some random guestimates at how those puppies would actually play themselves out. Incomprehensibly to all, the results have been frighteningly not awful. Following last week’s results, your honorary 11W gambling enabler is now 52-17-1 (~75%) for an abbreviated 2009 slate. After the first 8-0 week against the spread of the entire season, all that’s left to wrap up this season is a perfectly symmetrical 0-8. Feast your eyes on championship weekend:

NATIONAL GAMES

Thursday – #14 Oregon State at #7 Oregon (-10.5) – 9:00 p.m. (ESPN)
The game imploring Buckeyes everywhere to call in sick Friday morning takes Oregon and Oregon State’s traditional end of season “Civil War”, and turns it into the opposite side of the Ohio State-Iowa Rose Bowl play-in bracket. In turning Oregon from laugh riot to laudable, Chip Kelly’s turned the Ducks into quite the late season buzz team, leaving many tOSU faithful keeping their fingers crossed for a Ducks v. Bucks New Year’s Day treat. The Beavers are no slouches in their own right, though certainly considerably more under the radar so to speak. Despite an impressive showing against the BCS’ most consistent (and arguably best) conference this season, the Beavers are still virtual unknowns in many Buckeye fans’ minds. The brothers Rodgers and venerable head coach Mike Riley lead a team into Eugene that despite being unranked, have finished each of the last 4 regular seasons in both Top 25s. While Oregon State will reward those bold enough to stake their children’s college funds on their covering, expect the Ducks to emerge Rose Bowl parade bown, 34-29.

Friday – MAC Championship Game: Ohio vs. Central Michigan (-10.5) – 8:00 p.m. (ESPN2)
Our loyal readership of OU students and alum can finally feel the love; Frank Solich’s Bobcats’ trip to Ford Field garners our modest viewing recommendation and gets them their first play on this site since the 2008 too close for comfort contest. Standing between them and, well, a return trip to the very same venue for the Motor City Bowl as MAC Champions are Butch jones’ 10-2 Chips. LeFevour is no stranger to these parts, as the senior gun slinger’s accrued 2788 yards, 25 TDs to just 5 picks and a 71% completion percentage to boot to go along with 650 yards and 14 more TDs on the ground in the closing sonnet of a brilliant MAC career. The future pro-bound Tebow of the state that shall not be named should find a worthy adversary in Ohio’s big play defense. The ‘Cats forced 35 turnovers this season and enter the MAC Championship Game with a +14 turnover ratio. Despite a tremendous season from CMU, the Bobcats find a way to bring a title back to Athens, taking the MAC 35-31.

#5 Cincinnati at #13 Pittsburgh (-1.5) – 12:00 p.m. (ABC)
Depending upon who you ask, this is either UC head man Brian Kelly’s last, or far from last game as the head coca of the Bearcats. A rather distraction heavy week for Cincinnati lead them to Pittsburgh, where the 2-loss Fightin’ Wandstaches wait eagerly. Much like the Thursday night Pac 10 contest, this one is a defacto conference championship and will determine the league’s BCS representative. Vegas too clearly has inside information the most of us aren’t privy to (or just really love them some well groomed mustaches) as Pitt inexplicably enters this one as one and a half point favorites. While this one has all the makings of the classic makings of an underwhelming Wandstet let down game, Bill Stull’s had far too great of a season for the Panthers to let his season end with the kind of performance he put up in Morgantown last weekend. As per usual, Vegas is onto something: Pitt (you read that right) wins this bad boy 35-25.

SEC Championship Game: #1 Florida vs. #2 Alabama (+5) – 4:00 p.m. (CBS)
It takes a real man of inspiration to be able to make fun of two teams in a single statement, but Tennessee head coach Lane Kiffin did just that earlier in the week simply stating “Florida has better players, but Alabama has better coaches.” Duly noted, sir. While an unwatchable 6-3 win by either team would arguably be the Pareto optimal outcome for this one, any result where by which the Tebow child is uninspired will be a win for selfish Buckeye fans everywhere hoping the keep Archie’s stature as two time Heisman trophy hoister as an individual historic occurrence. I went the entirety of the season thinking this game was Alabama’s to lose, though given the way the Gators looked the last 2 weekends, I’ll be awfully hard pressed to concede they drop this one. That being said I’m going against all instinct and assuming the last 3 Gator opponents were conveniently their 3 worst defensively, and giving Bama this one, 16-10. Steve Addazio, eat your heart out.

ACC Championship Game: #10 Georgia Tech vs. #25 Clemson (EVEN) – 8:00 p.m. (ESPN)
If the above doesn’t clear up exactly what Coach Paul Johnson brings to the table, tune in for his awesome off with Clemson young gun Dabo Swinney. Georgia Tech won a zany come from behind affair earlier in the season, and before being completely out physicaled for the entirety of an evening by Georgia last weekend, were the hands down favorites in this one. After Clemson also did us no favors laying an egg to the Gamecocks (even after a C.J. Spiller opening kickoff return for a touchdown), we’re looking at just the second pick ‘em of the games we’ve profiled all season (and the second in as many weeks). In situations of uncertainty and relative parity, there’s no other choice except to default to the oracle that is Phil Steele. His outcome : 1010110101010101011011000001010101010101. Or in our language: Clemson 31 – GT 24.

Big XII Championship Game: #3 Texas vs. #23 Nebraska (+13) – 8:00 p.m. (ABC)
The most lopsided on paper prompts us to remind you of Big XII Championship Games past: unranked Texas shocked then #3 ranked 2-time defending champion Nebraska 37-27 in the inaugural Big XII Championship Game in 2003. 1998 saw 10th ranked Texas A&M keep upstart #2 Kansas State from their first ever title game berth, winning 36-33 in 2 OT in a truly all-time classic. 2001 brought more high drama as championship bound with a win #3 Texas couldn’t overcome 4 Chris Simms turnovers losing to #9 Colorado 39-37, also in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. And who can forget 2003’s completely illogical 35-7 dismantling of season long #1 Oklahoma by #15 K-State. So factoring in all the dumb small sample size superstitions again we have no AP #3 ranked teams having ever won a Big 12 Championship Game, the Longhorns 0-1 in DFW Big XII title games, and the Horns just 1-3 in Big XII title games all-time. Easy Nebraska victory? If only Zac Lee and the Huskers weren’t rolling into town with the 92nd ranked offense in the FBS. Colt McCoy’s final in-state game as Texas’ quarterback ends the way so many of his NCAA leading 44 wins do, with another Texas W. Horns take it 24-13.

BIG TEN GAMES:

Fresno State at Illinois (EVEN) – 12:30 p.m. (Big Ten Network)
The Big Ten’s still playing games? I’m as shocked as you are, and it can’t bode well for Zooksters to be facing A PICK ‘EM game against 3rd place in the WAC Fresno State. Pat Hill’s 7-4 Bulldogs roll into Champagne with Illinois desperately seeking to end the season 4-8. The Bulldogs did go into Madison and take Wisconsin to OT earlier in the year, plus played Cincinnati tough falling just 28-20 in the nasty ‘Nati. In fact, it’s difficult not to like the Bulldogs given their only other losses were to Boise State and WAC 2nd place Nevada. Despite every fiber in my being wanting the Big Ten to represent in this one, it’s hard not to take the (gulp) better team. Fresno ends the Illini’s season rocket launcher style: 34-13.

Wisconsin at Hawaii (+11.5) – 11:30 p.m. (ESPN2)
The Badgers get a jump start on bowling, playing a 13th game (and all intents and purposes pre-bowl) against Greg McMacklin’s Warriors. In a potentially must win to save his job game for McMacklin, the Rainbows’ still potent offensive attack will have to jump out to an early advantage if they want to hang with the superior athleticism the Badgers bring to the table. With superstud sophomore running back John Clay already announcing he’ll be back next season, the Badgers go into this one with few questions other than what will the final margin of victory be. Hawaii goes down (though no word whether or not Wisconsin does any kind of pre-game dance) as the Badgers crush all in sight, 45-21.

Bringing home the bacon - pigs in The Peaks

2009-12-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

The pigs are squealing loudly and lustily, it may be the wet weather up here in the hills outside Sheffield, it could be the low cloud base or it might just be the sight of their owner approaching them carrying a cordless drill. Is this some new form of humane slaughter? Max Freeman looks down at his Black and Decker, ‘Oh I forgot I were carrying this,’ he laughs. ‘I’ve been in the barn building ‘chickenopolis’, our architect designed hen house, I should have left it in there.’

They charge to greet him, lovely brown and white porkers who clearly enjoy their free range life in the field, rooting about and generally having a piggy good time. Max plays with them like dogs, rubbing their stomachs and flapping their ears. It seems a shame to eat them, yet Max is no romantic but he is considerate. ‘When the time comes,’ he explains, ‘we use an abattoir that’s just a mile away so the pigs don’t suffer any undue stress from transportation and we round them up gently and quietly and give them bananas, which they love. We stay with them all the way and we have a deal with the abattoir that our pigs don’t have to hang around when they get there.’

So how did a man who works ‘in the chip and pin industry’ come to be farming pigs up here high above Sheffield. “Well Jack, whose farm this and whose family has been working it at least seventy years, grows sileage for a living,' Max says fending off an amorous pig as he does so. ‘My house is not far away and Jack and I like to go out to the pub every week and what we really like is a big old breakfast the next morning. Now we tried many places but the best breakfast we found was at The Milestone down in Sheffield. We talked to the guys who run it and we got talking about local produce and next thing we’re buying rare breed pigs to raise up here for The Milestone to serve on their menu.’

‘We feed em on old fruit and veg,’ he elaborates as he clambers back over the fence. ’It’s what the supermarkets can’t sell because it’s just gone past its human consumption date. The pigs don’t mind that. They root around to pick it up, which is natural and what they like, and they get their water from a spring on the land. As you can see they’ve got all this space to wander about which is exactly what a pig should have.’

He has twelve pigs in this field, which slopes and drains well, so the pigs don’t have to live up to their little ears in mud when it rains. 'Mind you when it’s hot, they head straight for the puddles to cool down with a mud bath,’ he points out as he waggles a particularly friendly pig’s head. ‘We only fatten pigs here right now, but we are bringing back some old derelict stone barns to life where we should soon be breeding pigs ourselves.’

‘What we’re doing here is fairly unique in the area,’ he says as we walk back to the main buildings. ‘A lot of people say there’s no money in pig farming, particularly the way we do it and that may be true but we’re not in it for the money.’ With that he picks up his drill and heads back to building his chicken coop for the free range chickens they intend to start farming soon. ‘We could have bought a chicken coop off the shelf,’ he says. ‘but it’s better to do it yourself isn’t it? It’s more fun!’

By now I’m pretty wet, back in Sheffield the weather was fine and I didn’t think to pack a mac, here in the Peaks we have climbed almost into a cloud and it’s bracing to say the least. I’m happy to get back in the car and descend back down to town for an appointment with the restaurant where all these little piggies all end up.

A gastronomic waypoint

The Milestone at Kelham Island, isn’t really on an island at all. The area, close to the water was once a steelworking spot and a brewery location but suffered like so many other parts of Sheffield with the loss of the steel business.

Today though it’s bouncing back. Fresh new flats carved from old buildings stand next to remnants still awaiting renovation. A glossy new museum has been created and from a pub once known as The Ball Inn and founded in 1833, a brand new gastro destination, The Milestone has been created.

Upstairs an open kitchen shows confidence and chefs working fast and hard to create gastro-pub style dishes from locally sourced produce. The ceiling has been cut back to reveal funky wooden beams of a size and weight that any London architect would love to have available for his loft conversions. Downstairs the lunchtime crowd is beginning to thin out as I sit with the two owners Matt Bigland and Marc Sheldon for a cup of coffee and a chat.

The blackboard has a tasting menu advertised for a very reasonable £34.95 with ‘proper’ food like ox tongue, smoked garlic ravioli, squid with a raisin and beetroot puree and venison to follow. What’s not to like about that? The guys have worked hard and cleverly to create a place that’s fresh and vibrant and in touch with its location.

They don't believe in buying in products which can be made – such as fresh bread, pasta, ice cream, piccalilli, chutney, puddings, salad cream – and the resulting busy restaurant is proof of the wisdom of that approach as well as of keeping a close eye on what customers really want.

‘We bought it in 2006 and it was still a rough area,’ Matt tells me, ‘we had prostitutes on the doorstep even in mid afternoon! But we saw the area was on the up and we wanted to get somewhere affordable for our customers as well as us and this was in our price range. It had been derelict for the previous 15 years, it had been a pub until World War 2. Then some developers wanted to turn it into apartments but the council wouldn’t allow that and so basically it just sat and did nothing until we turned up.’

‘We both like great things and cheap things like mackerel and braised pig head,’ Marc adds, ‘we try and introduce new dishes like that and we got good feedback from it. My granddad liked pig’s head back then and now it’s come back full circle this classic food. Once the head’s been broken down you wouldn’t recognise it,’ he laughs as if he can see what I am seeing in my own head, which is something Indiana Jones-like and scary.

And of course they know these pigs pretty well. ‘Yes as you’ve seen we are very close to the producer but even so free range pigs aren’t cheap. We could get pigs that have lived in cages much cheaper but they’ve had no life and we aren’t going to do that. What it does mean though is that we have to make sure nothing is wasted from those pigs. Our chef does his own butchery, and he learnt from an expert, and we’ve all mucked in when we’ve had a few pigs arrive. It’s so important to use every last bit of your produce, it saves money and gives chef more options. We make black pudding, trotter stew and all that sort of thing.’

The two of them make my mouth water with talk of properly sourced, decent sausages, crispy bacon rind, proper crackling and all the rest. They have a real love of food that is honest and tasty and even if they wanted to do fancy nonsense they know their customers would soon put them right.

‘Oh we serve a big meal here definitely, this is Sheffield after all, if we didn’t fill ‘em up that’s what they’d remember, no matter how good the meal was taste wise. If we don’t send out a bowl of vegetables with the main courses, people aren’t happy,’ Matt laughs, ‘you’ve got to listen to your customer.’

‘We keep our prices as low as we can, downstairs especially,’ Marc adds, ‘the main dishes no more than £12 average and that’s what puts bums on seats. And we don’t waste time with things like fillet steak, instead we put bavette steak on. It’s a cheap cut of steak but one of the very best for flavour, ask any Frenchman. It’s got to be served properly rare and you can’t slice it like butter like you do with fillet, but every bit you get off onto your fork is packed with taste. People say ‘Oh I don’t like rare steak’ but you convince ‘em to try this and then they love it.’

It’s an equally rare combination – pig farm and restaurant going together like sausage and chips - but it clearly works. Many restaurants boast of sourcing local but this is real symbiosis between producer and outlet. Trust canny Yorkshire men to deliver the goods and bring home the bacon.

ANOTHER FRIDAY IN THE SCHOOLTEACHER ARCHIVES

2009-12-09T08:08:00.000-08:00

Here's a story from my earliest days of teaching the Cartooning Class.

Sometimes there are bad days.

It happens. Some days the kids just aren't interested. Some days the school isn't backing me up the way they should. And honestly, sometimes I'm just a bad teacher.

But for the most part I'm lucky. The cartooning classes I teach are, after all, in a subject that almost every kid in the world has at least a passing interest in; and the school bills me as “a REAL working cartoonist,” which gives me an extra celebrity edge that I abuse relentlessly, even though the truth of the matter is that I am only an occasional advertising and illustration artist. All this means that I have a far easier time of it than your average public school teacher. Yet even I have days that are so frustrating I want to go home and bang my head against the wall and scream, “Why the hell do I even bother?”

Part of the problem is the public school system itself. The system is geared not to teach kids, but to, well, storethem. Average class size in the middle schools where I teach is somewhere between twenty-five and thirty kids. In addition to that, there's no way to sift out the smart kids from the slow ones, which means if you try to go too fast, you lose the ones that can't keep up, and if you go too slow, you lose the ones that already get it and want to move on. Trying to really teach anything in those circumstances is almost impossible. So what ends up happening is you play to tie rather than to win, you settle for not actually losing ground with kids rather than trying to gain any. You resign yourself to the fact that your classroom is largely a holding tank, a glorified day care for working parents, and you treat the actual act of teaching as being the equivalent of putting a note in a bottle and tossing it in the ocean.

And in recent years we have seen the effects of things like video games and television on young people's attention spans. There is simply no getting around it any more; despite all the apologists' angry protests to the contrary (and I love cheesy TV shows as much as the next guy, so don't yell at me about this) but facts are facts. The ugly truth is that a modern schoolchild's attention span is geared towards the two-minute music video. If you want to capture their interest you had damned well better be AT LEAST as interesting as the flash-bang-noise of the media monster that is relentlessly bombarding them all the time outside of the classroom. When I start my classes each quarter I have roughly ten minutes, that first day, to get the kids on my side. After that, well, forget it, game over. Ten minutes is my window.

In a weird way, it's almost like being a stand-up comic, or even a stage magician. The skills are roughly the same, working a room, keeping their attention, getting them to fall into your rhythm and timing the same as any other audience. You have to have a sense of showmanship.

A lot of teachers can't or won't acknowledge that. Which brings us to problem number three – the teachers themselves. The public school system, in many ways, is harder on them than it is on the students. It used to be expected that a teacher was working in collaboration with parents, but in recent years parents simply aren't available. Many are divorced, many more are simply working long hours, and there are quite a few who should have never been parents in the first place. Teachers are required to pick up the slack for all of these. . . and we handicap those teachers by overloading them, paying them less than your average cocktail waitress, and then blaming them when kids turn out to be ignorant sociopaths.

So you get burnout. The bad ones stay, protected by the union, just marking time. The good ones leave, for the most part. They go into other fields, or they transfer to private schools with smaller classes and bigger budgets.

But some of the good ones stay. They do it for the corniest reason of all – idealism. They never admit it, not even to each other, but they believe in the job and the kids and the nobility of the profession. You'd never know it to hear them talk – in the teacher's lounge, or after hours, they will shrug and sneer and grouch off about the workload and the damn kids and that stupid son-of-a-bitch of a vice-principal, but they are the ones that, more than anyone else, are shouldering the burden of making sure that every kid there has a shot at some kind of a future.

So when I'm having a bad day, those are the ones I seek out.

It had been the worst day I'd ever had teaching in the last five years, and it was only my second day at Madison Middle School. I was tired and hoarse and cranky and I had a headache that could stop a train.

And to think I'd thought that the job had sounded like FUN when they offered it. Come teach the cartooning class you do at the art studio as part of the after-school program, they'd said. Eighteen bucks an hour, ten hours a week, we'll buy all the supplies. It had sounded like easy money – after all, I'd been teaching this same class at the Alki Art Studio for four years now, and a semester at Gatzert Elementary before that; how hard could it be?

But in my easy confidence I'd overlooked two things – at the art studio, I had the luxury of working with kids who wanted to be there so bad they'd had to persuade their parents to spend cold hard cash to put them there; and, more importantly, I had vastly underestimated the difference between working with elementary-school kids and middle-school kids.

At Madison I was dealing with teenagers, not little kids. All the tricks and gimmicks I had evolved to grab and hold the interest of my younger students were useless – worse, they were corny. I'd realized, sickly, that I was going to have to learn a whole new way of doing my job, and I had no grace period to do it in. These kids had put me on trial for my life within thirty seconds of my walking into the classroom, and I was failing the test miserably. After just two days I was grimly sure that the only words I'd be uttering to my students for the rest of the semester would beSHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!...and the hell of it was, I couldn't even get them to do that.

This afternoon the day had culminated with one kid kicking a desk over, another one telling me that his parents were going to sue me, and – this was the worst – four more tormenting a little girl so relentlessly over her artwork that she had burst out crying and thrown her drawings in the garbage. That last one had hurt the most, it was too painfully close to what I'd endured from other kids at that age...and I hadn't seen it, hadn't been able to stop it until it was too late and Kamaria was in tears. What the hell kind of teacher was I to let that happen?

I'd been sitting at the front of the room, cradling my head in my hands, still cursing myself over that when Veronica Egidio returned to the classroom. It was actually her room – she taught in there during the day, and then went out to coach soccer while I borrowed if for my cartooning class. I envied her the luxury of having an activity where kids were SUPPOSED to run around and kick things. Maybe I should ask her to trade.

“Rough day, huh?” Ronnie asked, grinning.

“I suck as a teacher,” I told her, bluntly.

She burst out laughing. “Oh, come on now.”

“I'm serious.”

“If you were that bad you wouldn't care,” Ronnie pointed out cheerfully. “Trust me. There are teacher here that reallysuck, and you never see them looking as depressed as you do. They just plain don't give a damn. You've met Mr. Aziz, haven't you?”

I had to smile at that. I had, indeed, met Mr. Aziz.

“Tell me,” Ronnie went on. “What happened, anyway?”

So I told her. “It's not the kids, not exactly,” I finished. “They're mostly just being kids. I think it's me. I'm just... I wasn't READY for this. I got spoiled at the studio. The most I ever had at the beach studio was eight kids, I think. I've got THIRTY-TWO up here and every day it's all about riot control, they're kicking my ass. I've got about six in there that are tearing up the place so bad I end up ignoring the other twenty-plus that really WANT to be there.”

Ronnie leaned back and grinned at me. “Welcome to public school,” she said, laughing. “Try Special Ed sometime. When I started here it was the only thing open, nobody else wanted it, and after my first week I knew why. I thought I was going to need a taser.”

“I could have used a taser today, that's for damn sure.” I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “Got an aspirin?”

“Are you kidding? I eat 'em like candy.” Ronnie fished a bottle of ibuprofen out of her purse and tossed it to me. I caught it and dry-swallowed two of them.

“Look, you're taking this way too hard, if you ask me,” she said. “You don't have to do everything yourself, you know. If they're really that bad, just kick 'em down the hall to Dr. Moreland. It's his job, he's the vice-principal. Let him handle the rough ones.”

“I know.” I sighed. “It's just... damn it, Ronnie, I don't want to run my classroom like a Turkish prison. And if I bring Moreland in on it – you know how he looked at me at the orientation meeting, he thinks the whole art-class thing is a farce anyway. He's already sure I'm some dope-smoking beatnik who's just in it for the money. If I go crying to him now, after just two days of class, he's likely to just shut down the whole program.” I scowled. “And anyway...”

“And anyway, you don't want a bunch of thirteen-year-old kids kicking your ass, do you?” Ronnie smirked.

“Well... that too,” I admitted. “I just... goddammit, I want to be good at this. I know I can do it. I just can't get control of the room long enough to find a starting place, you know?”

Ronnie considered this. “Here's the thing,” she said. “You've got to pick your fights. Middle-school kids, it's all about bargaining and negotiating. You let them have one, they'll let you have one. Give in on something once in a while and you'll be amazed what you can get back in return.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I can see that – but Jesus, Ronnie, I can't let them get away with bullying and kicking stuff over.”

“Well, that's when you send them to Dr. Moreland. But if you're not going to do that --” Ronnie thought a minute, then her eyes got a wicked gleam. “Well, then you have to fight dirty.”

“Fight dirty?”

Ronnie shrugged. “Well, when all else fails, I scare the hell out of 'em.”

I blinked. She was serious. “You're not kidding, are you?”

“Hell no I'm not kidding. Look, here's the thing.” Ronnie jabbed a finger at me for emphasis. “Half the trouble with these latchkey kids is that nobody ever holds them responsible for anything, they're on their own all the time. You let them know that there's real consequences if they cross the line and they'll quit crossing it, believe me.”

“How?” I asked her.

“It's not so hard.” Ronnie laughed again. “Hell, you have way more advantages than me and I can do it. You're a guy, you're six feet tall, you've got a deep voice. I bet if you really let yourself get good and mad in there, just once, you could have those little punks peeing in their pants. Quit trying to reason with them and just let 'em HAVE it. Trust me, you'll feel better for it.” At my expression of horror, she added, “Really. It works. Try it.”

Well, it wasn't as though I had a better idea.

The following afternoon, I addressed my class. “I want to talk a minute about what went on here yesterday,” I said. “We need to clear up a few things about what goes on in here.” I was talking to the whole class, but my eyes were on Tommy and Adam, in the back of the room. The two of them were the source of most of the trouble I'd had the last couple of days, and today, they were my targets. I went on, “I don't care if you guys talk and laugh and kid around – as long as you're working. But one thing that I absolutely will not stand for is making fun of someone else's work.”

“What if it sucks?” That was Tommy, in the back of the room.

A chorus of giggles erupted.

I picked up a textbook and slammed it down, hard, on the top of the desk. It made a sound like a thunderclap. The kids fell silent, shocked.

“Tommy,” I gritted. “You know what it means when I'm talking?”

“Uh--” Tommy looked a little taken aback.

“It means you keep your GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT!”

Now the silence was palpable. “I've taken your crap for the last couple of days, Tommy,” I went on, conversationally. “But you know, I'm about out of patience with you. If you open your mouth again before I give you permission to speak, I will haul your ass down the hall to Dr. Moreland's office and he will roast it over a slow fire.” I glared at him. I put every ounce of anger and frustration I had been building for the last two days into that glare. If looks could kill it would have reduced him to a smoldering puddle of protoplasm.

It shriveled Tommy into his seat. He hunkered down, waiting in mute terror for my next psychotic act. I had to smother a snicker. Ronnie had been right – not only was it working, but , God help me, it did feel great.

“Okay,” I nodded, satisfied. “As for the question, I don't care if it sucks. But – and don't forget this – I decide what sucks and what doesn't. I'm the professional here. There's not one of you that can't stand to improve. The whole point of being here is to get better at this. If I think something sucks, we'll figure out a way to make it better.” I put a hard, drill sergeant's edge into my voice. “But YOU are to keep YOUR judgments of other people's shortcomings to YOURSELVES. Clear?”

There were murmurs of assent. For a moment I had a ridiculous urge to add, I-- can't – HEAR – yooouuuu--!! the way they did it in the Marines, but instead I spread my hands and grinned at them. “Look, you guys, you all volunteered to be here so you could draw stuff, remember? I don't WANT to be a hardcase. I don't LIKE yelling. But you have to at least meet me halfway. Talk and laugh all you want, but jeez, draw something too, willya?”

There was a ripple of relieved laughter. I grinned at Tommy, and he stared at me for a moment in disbelief – what, you don't hate me? – and then, shyly, he smiled back.

And just like that, they were on my side.

It was as though I had flipped a switch. Even Tommy settled down and worked like a demon on his drawing all afternoon.

I wasn't quite ready to declare victory yet, though. There was one other matter I had to address.

Once they were all settled in, I beckoned Kamaria up to the front of the room. “I think these are yours,” I told her, and handed her the pages I'd fished out of the trash basket yesterday afternoon.

Kamaria scowled. “These are bad,” she said. “ I don't want to work on them.”

“No,” I said gently. “They're just not finished. You gave up too soon. Look what happens if you black in the background here, and here – see how that brings out the dinosaur? And here, you want to thicken up this line a little bit...”

Kamaria goggled. “ But you're a GOOD drawer,” she protested. “I can't draw like that!”

“Not yet,” I said, smiling. “Don't be so sure. YOU drew that dinosaur, not me. All I did was ink it in a little bit.”

Kamaria considered it, still looking doubtful.

I went on, “Look, Kamaria, a pencil goes where you push it. The only way you can't learn to draw better is if you quit. Are you going to quit on me?”

“Huh? No!” Kamaria looked appalled at the suggestion.

“Well, then.” I nodded at the drawing. “I think you should finish this.”

She hovered a moment longer, still wavering, and then nodded briskly once and snatched the drawing, up, returning to her seat with an air of fierce determination.

I stood up and looked out over my group of thirty-two students, some talking and some laughing and some whispering – but all of them drawing. Damn, I thought. I made it. I passed the test. How about that?

As I glanced around the room, Adam caught my eye. He raised his hand. “Hey, mister Greg,” he asked me, “could we turn on some music?” He indicated the portable AM-FM radio on Ronnie's file cabinet.

“As long as you're drawing, I don't care,” I said. Adam got up and headed for the radio. I thought better of it and added, “Anything but rap. No rap.”

“Okay,” Adam said agreeably, and I leaned back and really relaxed, for the first time in a week.

Maybe I didn't suck as a teacher after all.

I was still grinning when Ronnie arrived from the soccer field. “Better today?” she asked.

“Way better.”

“Scare 'em?”

“I scared the living daylights out of 'em.” I said with mock viciousness.

“Works every time,” she said smugly.

These are bad days. But the good days more than make up for them. They're addictive. That's why we stay.

See you next week.

Liver and Mushrooms

2009-12-08T07:55:00.001-08:00

People wonder why I don’t have sympathy for people that die in weird ways. And I always tell them…I have lots of sympathy for their family. It’s just hard to feel sad for someone that was an idiot.

Every year you hear about someone picking mushrooms and eating them. And then dying. Has the memo not gotten around to all the mushroom eaters yet? There are lots of poisonous mushrooms out there. And some of them look like the edible ones! If it ain’t in the vegetable section of Ralph’s, don’t bother picking and eating them.

A woman in Lodi died after eating some in mid-November. Her husband also had some of the delicious, but deadly, Death Cap ‘shrooms. He made it out of the hospital (and I bet he hasn’t shut up about his wife and her cooking!)

A cousin of theirs is doing well. Of course, this after being given a new liver! (shouldn’t you be at the end of the liver transplant list, if you got there from idiotic family members?)

Now, I have lots of sympathy for the guy that was in a coma for 23 years. Or so doctors thought.

This man in Brussels, Rom Houben, said he laid trapped and paralyzed, aware of everything going on around him. He just wasn’t able to tell anyone.

He was in a car wreck and apparently, a brain scan device that wasn’t available in the 80s, showed that he had lots of brain activity.

He is talking about the frustration and powerlessness of it all. He mentioned the time they informed him his father had passed away, but couldn’t show emotion.

Of course, he’s in the process of writing a book now.

And I’m sure a lawsuit against the hospital is in the works.

Hearsay: Parking problem deters barbershop's customers

2009-12-02T07:09:00.001-08:00

’Bout those barbershop parking places. Hearsayer Peggy, along with her husband, Hearsayer Bobby, have been operating the two-chair City Barber Shop, on South Main Street in Anderson, for some 40 years now. These days, though, there’s a pesky parking problem. Because of a street improvement project, Peggy explained, there are fewer places to park near the barbershop because the spots get taken by folks conducting business at Anderson City Hall across the street. “People who come to City Hall, well, they park in front of our business. We have a lot of elderly clientele at the barbershop and when they come by for a haircut, they see all the parking spaces filled and they think, ‘Well, gosh, they’re so busy there’s no place to park.’ We’re sitting here doing nothing and all the parking places are full. It’s just hard.” So anyhoo, all you Hearsayers who need a haircut, don’t let a lot of filled parking places near the City B. fool you the least little bit. Get your parking-place karma on and by golly, go get a haircut with Peggy and Bobby!

The tale of the sprouting strawberry tree. So Hearsayer Joe of the Highway 29 South area of Anderson has a strawberry tree that’s putting out sprouts that can be replanted. Never heard of a strawberry tree? “What it is,” Joe said, “is an actual tree. Maybe 15 to 20 feet tall. It puts out a fruit. When the berries are first on the tree, they’re red. When they ripen, they turn to a purple color. They have a slight strawberry taste and they are about the size of a large blackberry. You can eat ’em. It’s my understanding that they make excellent jams and jellies.” So, Joe said, he’s got a bunch of strawberry-tree sprouts and rather than mow ‘em down, Joe’s just wondering if anyone would like to dig ‘em up. “I got to thinking, somebody may be interested in having a strawberry tree.” And somebody may also be interested in knowing the scientific name of the strawberry tree. It’s called Arbutus unedo. So, u need o’strawberry tree sprout? Just call Joe at (864) 224-0712.

And as for free walnuts. Hearsayer Jim, who lives “right off Highway 81,” said he’s got black walnuts to give away if you’re willing to bend over and pick ’em up. “They’ve got a shuck on them – you’ve got to peel that off to get to the nut.” Now Hearsay has mixed it up with a walnut shuck and there’s a stain inside that bad boy that can get might messy. “What I do,” Jim said, “is when the walnuts (inside the shucks) are lying on the ground, I stomp on ‘em and most of that shuck will come off.” Well shucks, that sounds pretty easy! So here’s how to get in touch with Jim if you want some free walnuts – (864) 352-6533.

USC-UCLA and the root of his rooting philosophy

2009-11-27T08:29:00.000-08:00

I believe that exercise is incredibly bad for you. I believe the moon is made of cheese.

What everyone else believes . . . well, I believe the opposite. That's just my stubborn nature. My soul seems so cold and stormy, particularly around the holidays. I should've been a Yankee farmer from Vermont. Or a senator from anywhere.

See, when everyone else goes left, I go straight up the middle. When everyone else screams "Go, Lakers!" I'm inclined to root for the other guys (unless it's Denver, of course).

The point is that I am now -- at this rickety stage in life, where my bones are turning into a hollow coral-like substance and my blood is mostly merlot -- inclined to always root for the least popular choice.

My favorite pet? The underdog.

Seriously. Custer was a two-touchdown favorite at Little Bighorn; I rooted for the Lakota. Oddsmakers had Grant by a field goal at Appomattox; I cheered for Lee.

When everyone else says Florida is the best football team in the nation, I respond with: "Huh, what about Duke?"

Really, what kind of life is it to root for a favorite? It would be like rooting for Cindy Crawford to get a New Year's kiss. It would be like rooting for Baron Davis to finish lunch.

A while back, I developed the concept of "sportsenfreude," based on the German term "schadenfreude," which means taking glee in the misfortune of others.

Sportsenfreude is a close cousin to the concept of rooting for the underdog. It means you're not really rooting for one team -- you're rooting against the other.

When the Dallas Cowboys lose, that warm little glow you feel -- it's almost sexual -- that's sportsenfreude. When the Yankees lose, same thing, assuming you don't like the Yankees -- hardly anybody does, the pinstripers having come to represent every overfed frat boy or silver spoon who got the girl you didn't. They are baseball's trust-fund babies, the Yankees are. It's a little like cheering for Comcast or General Mills.

Though it is my concept, I am not particularly proud of sportsenfreude. No one should take joy in another person's failures. Of course, a certain ambivalence can be forgiven. I mean, I would never exactly feel sympathy if Bill Belichick were caught cheating again. Or if someone popped that smug Jim Harbaugh in the snout.

The secret to sportsenfreude is to base your selection on some perceived moral issue. For instance, I rooted against the Tampa Bay Rays last year based on my dislike for their moldy indoor park. I dislike Philly because of Sylvester Stallone's spotty record on marriage. In real life, he never married Talia Shire, which just seemed wrong.

I generally root against the Indianapolis Colts on the basis of one lousy, overpriced turkey sandwich I had at the airport there. That's all you need, really. What this does is soften sportsenfreude and makes it a more spiritual and life-affirming process.

On Saturday, I'll apply this standard in picking whom to root for in the always fetching USC-UCLA game. Meaningless? Never. This isn't just a football game, it's Abraham crossing the Euphrates. I don't care what their records are. This is a rivalry raised by wolves.

I have no blood ties or history with either team, so each year I'm completely free to choose between the two. But that never means I don't care. If anything, I care too much for no good reason -- another guiding principle of my life.

Oddly, the Trojans have become slightly sympathetic figures. Seen any USC fans lately? They are as pale as Pete Carroll's hair. You could light up LAX with their deer-in the-headlights expressions.

Prediction? I will eat my weight in chicken wings. I will drink your weight in beer.

Oh, the game itself? Despite what the bookies say, I think it's a dead heat, or "pick-em." Besides, rivalries are always bad bets.

Of course, UCLA is undefeated in November, which might give the Bruins an edge.

So I'll go with that poor struggling team from the city's core.

Go, Trojans. Stand strong. Seize the day. As the good book says, each place you set your foot will be yours.

Grilling up the competition

2009-11-21T07:00:00.000-08:00

For the most part, there are two kinds of tailgaters: the ones who pick up a pack of hot dogs at the supermarket on their way to the game and the ones who put a little more thought and effort into their tailgating fare.

Bruce Richards definitely fits into the second group.

Richards, a 45-year-old urban planning consultant who lives just outside New Orleans, is an LSU season-ticket holder with an unusual tailgating routine: He matches his menu to the opposing team's mascot. So if LSU is playing the Florida Gators, Richards cooks alligator sausage. If they're playing the South Carolina Gamecocks, he cooks chicken. The idea is simple: Consume the opponent. Or as Richards' rallying cry goes, "Eat 'em up, Tigers!"

"I started doing it in the mid-'90s, when a co-worker and I were going to an LSU-Rice game," Richards says. "I came up with the idea that we were gonna eat 'em up. Rice's team is the Owls, and I figured 'Well, owls are the fowl,' so we made chicken. And it's sort of evolved from there."

But why stop with just one team-themed dish? Richards takes things a step further by working with his daughters to create desserts rendered in the opposing team's colors, and sometimes he adds side dishes into the mix. So for a recent game against Louisiana-Lafayette -- the Ragin' Cajuns -- Richards cooked Cajun andouille sausage and corn maque choux, and his daughters made a red velvet cake.

Of course, some teams translate to the menu a bit more readily than others. For the Arkansas Razorbacks, Richards cooks ham steaks, and any team named the Bulldogs calls for hot dogs. But what do you with, say, Vanderbilt, whose team is called the Commodores?

"Well, commodores are nautical, so we did tuna steaks and catfish filets," Richards says. "Basically, we do seafood for any nautical-sounding team name. Like Alabama, they're the Crimson Tide -- crimson is red and tide means water, so we grilled up some redfish."

This is the kind of obsessive project I can totally relate to (look, Richards even maps out his tailgating menus on spreadsheets!), so a few weekends ago I went down to Baton Rouge to check out Richards' tailgating scene in person.

The opponent that day was Auburn -- the Tigers. That's a tricky one, because (A) you can't cook a tiger, and (B) even if you could, LSU is also nicknamed the Tigers. Fortunately, Auburn's school mascot -- distinct from its team mascot -- is the war eagle. You can't cook an eagle, either, but you can cook chicken and call it war eagle. Richards even designed his own war eagle basting sauce jar, which you can see him putting to good use in this video clip:

The bird cooked up real nice, but nobody wants to eat ~~chicken~~ war eagle by itself, so Richards took the liberty of preparing a carrot-raisin salad, with the orange carrots and bluish raisins representing Auburn's team colors of navy and orange. Here's the proud chef describing this dish:

The showstopper was this blueberry pie, with a bit of food coloring added to the filling so it would match Auburn's proper hue of blue. The pie really reinforced the genius of Richards' "Eat 'em up!" concept: If your own team's logo had been expertly rendered in pie crust, you'd feel kinda bad taking a knife to it. But when it's the opposition's logo -- well, see for yourself:

For the record, Richards' friends cooked up some non-Auburn-related food, including shrimp, sausage and bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers (which turned out my-t-fine). It was all yummy, but there was something more conceptually satisfying about Richards' Auburn-tailored menu. A few hours later, as we sat in Tiger Stadium and watched LSU waltz to an easy 31-10 win, it was obvious that Auburn had been spiritually drained by having been eaten in effigy earlier in the day.

But eating surrogate war eagle is one thing. What about a team like Tennessee -- how do you eat the Volunteers? And what if LSU were hosting Wisconsin (the Badgers) or Minnesota (the Gophers)? Would Richards head out into the woods with a shotgun in search of the proper varmint to toss on the grill?

"Nah, for those we'd just make hamburgers," he said. "That's our catchall category -- when in doubt, grind 'em into burgers and eat 'em up."

The Minnesota and Wisconsin matchups are unlikely to occur, because you rarely see the SEC matched up against the Big Ten. But that raises another question: If conference affiliations were no barrier, which team would Richards most like to see on the LSU schedule?

"Oregon," he says without hesitation. "Definitely Oregon."

If that ever happens, I'm definitely going back to sample Richards' duck recipe.

Calling all stomachs

Speaking of the intersection of sports and food, reader Aaron Rich recently checked in with news of a ballpark feat called "eating for the cycle." He's written a detailed report on this phenomenon for the Uni Watch Blog -- check it out here. Fair warning, though: It's not for the faint of heart (among other organs).

Meanwhile, over on the gridiron

Expect to see lots of new college football uniforms in the next few weekends, because Nike has outfitted 10 teams with new designs for their rivalry games.

A few thoughts -- some good, some bad:

• Best uni element of the whole batch: the red stripes on the TCU helmet, which represents the blood that horned frogs shoot from their eyes when attacked. Clever.

• The Florida State design is mostly a train wreck (a solid-red uni with a black helmet -- ugh), but it contains the germ of a very good idea. The undershirt has FSU feather logos on the sleeves, which could provide a solution to one of modern life's great problems: the disappearance of football jersey sleeves and the corresponding de-emphasis on sleeve stripes and other sleeve graphics. Imagine if NFL teams went for this undershirt concept -- instead of nonsense like this, we could have real sleeves with real stripes, or at least areasonable facsimile. (Special thanks to reader Rick Pearson for Photoshopping those sleeve concepts.)

• The Texas design has a little "DKR" hip patch, because the uni was conceived as a tribute to Darrell Royal.

• Each uni includes its own set of specially designed gloves, which fit together to form composite images. Cool idea -- until the 73rd time we see a player holding his hands up in front of the camera on Saturday.

• If you take a closer look at the Ohio State, Virginia Tech, FSU and TCU jerseys, you'll see Nike has added some weird Spirograph-ish thread pattern to the shoulder areas. This supposedly adds strength and reinforcement to the jersey, but let's get real: It's a branding signifier. Much like those disastrous orange-sleeved jerseys from 2005, the Spirograph shoulders are a way to tell everyone that these teams are really part of Team Nike. In addition to cheapening the individual schools' visual identities, this perpetuates the bogus notion that Nike is more important than the teams it outfits. Memo to Nike: The swoosh draws its legitimacy from the teams that wear it, not the other way around.

Not buying that Team Nike argument? Consider this: All these uniforms will be worn in games against non-Nike schools. Can't have a team playing against itself, after all. The most intriguing matchup is for Virginia Tech, which will wear its Spirograph uni against Maryland, an Under Armour school. The Terps will wear camouflage-accented jerseys as a nod to Veterans Day, which basically means both teams will be unrecognizable. As one commentator already has said, let the best marketing plan win!

College Hoops Update

In case you missed it a few days ago, the annual Uni Watch college hoops season-preview column has been posted. In addition to the 50-plus schools covered in that column, here are some additional teams with late-breaking uni changes: American, Bowling Green,Charlotte, Georgetown, James Madison, LaSalle, Louisiana Lafayette, New Mexico, South Alabama (here's the rear view), Troy, Valpo, and Xavier.

In addition: East Tennessee State has added a "43" memorial patch for former player Seth Coy, who died in a car accident during the offseason (plus sophomore Adam Sollazzo has switched from No. 20 to No. 43 in Coy's memory); Tennessee has added an "E" patch for for teammate Emmanuel Negedu, who recently collapsed during workouts due to a heart condition; CAA teams will be wearing this anniversary logo as a jersey patch; and GW has a new court design.

Got a college hoops uni or court change that wasn't covered in either of this week's columns? You know what to do.

Party Reminder

For you New York-area readers, we're convening a Uni Watch party this Sunday, Nov. 15, 2:30 p.m., at Sheep Station in Brooklyn. Toss on your favorite jersey and come have a beer with your fellow Uni Watch readers. See you there.

The Hot Button: Where would Tech finish in the SEC?

2009-11-12T08:16:00.000-08:00

There's a difference between ACC speed and SEC speed. (AJC photo by Curtis Compton)

It’s clear – to me, if not to C.J. Spiller and Dabo Swinney — that Georgia Tech is the class of the ACC. But the ACC is often described as the least of the six BCS leagues, and another conference in the neighborhood is regarded as the best. So now, today’s question:

Where would Tech rank in the SEC?

My first inclination is to say the Jackets would finish wherever Mike Slive’s refs got together and decided they should be, but that’s my little joke. Getting serious, I’d say …

Second in the East behind Florida. Third in the West behind Alabama and LSU. Fourth overall.

That wailing you hear are the cries arising from the confluence of North Avenue and Techwood Drive, but hear me out. As good as Tech is — and it is very good — there’s still a difference between the personnel of a top-shelf SEC team and of everyone else. (Ask Jim Tressel.) This doesn’t mean Tech couldn’t up and beat Florida or Alabama or LSU on a given Saturday; it simply means that, on most given Saturdays, talent would prevail.

We’ve seen the difference between the SEC and the ACC three times in this city in the past 15 months. Alabama beat Clemson in the 2008 Chick-fil-A Kickoff Classic and then whipped Virginia Tech in the 2009 installment. LSU beat Tech 38-3 on Dec. 31, 2008. Three games on a neutral field, three emphatic SEC victories. Anyone who says there isn’t an imbalance between leagues, at least at their respective summits, isn’t dealing in reality.

On the other hand, SEC zealots are wrong to suggest the Jackets would finish far up the track in that famous league. Tech is better than Ole Miss, better than Auburn, better than South Carolina, better than Arkansas … yes, better than Georgia. To be placed below Florida and Alabama is no great failing, for those are two of the three best teams in the land, and to be deemed less gifted than LSU is no demerit, given that the Tigers have lost only to the Gators and the Tide.

(And yes, I have noticed that Tech beat both Mississippi State and Vandy by one more point than did the mighty Gators. Whatever that means.)

Since you asked, I don’t think it’s a question of Paul Johnson’s offense not working in the SEC. It’s an issue instead of the SEC’s Big Three having superior defensive manpower. Nobody else in the ACC has the speed to keep up with Dwyer and Nesbitt and Roddy Jones; certain teams in the SEC do.

OK, there’s my take. Feel free to call me an idiot — pretty much everybody does — but know this: I do speak from observation. I’ve seen Tech and Florida and LSU in person both this season and last, and I saw Alabama in the imposing flesh twice in 2008. And I’m not trying to denigrate the Jackets, who might well be the nation’s fifth-best team. (After Florida, Texas, Alabama and LSU. Though I’m not suggesting LSU, with its two losses, should be ranked ahead of Tech in the polls.) I’m just telling you how I see it.

You’re now free to express yourselves on this weighty matter. Why do I feel you won’t need prompting?

And now, because fair’s fair: Where would Georgia rank in the ACC?

The making of a veteran, documented photographically

2009-11-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine was recently recounting his enlistment as a Marine back in the early ’60s, and his subsequent assignment to South Vietnam. His tour came back in the early days, before most people had ever heard of the place.

Why did you enlist, I asked him.

“Well, I had always wanted to be an ex-Marine,” he said, “and as far as I could figure, there was only one way to do that….”

To mark Veterans Day, here’s a damn fine photo essay by the Denver Post, documenting the transformation of a gawky local kid fresh out of high school into an Iraq war veteran who comes home confident enough to step into early adulthood. It’s a beautiful, largely unvarnished peek into a journey that tens of thousands of young Americans take every year.

North Suncoast football picks

2009-11-09T09:25:00.001-08:00

By Times Staff

Thursday's games

All games start at 7:30 unless noted

Mitchell (6-0, 3-0) at Gulf (3-3, 0-3): Gulf has lost three straight, but the Bucs are confident they can hang with, and beat, the Mustangs. To do so, they'll have to slow down Mitchell TB Ricky Trinidad (1,023 rushing yards, 12 TDs). For Mitchell, a victory would move the Mustangs one step closer to a playoff berth. Of course, they still play Pasco and Land O'Lakes.

Izzy Gould's pick: Gulf, 21-14. Upset special, Gulf in a stunner.

Keith Niebuhr's pick: Mitchell, 21-20. In a close one, Mitchell keeps its playoff push going.

Sunlake (2-3, 2-1) at Zephyrhills (0-5, 0-3): The Seahawks are ready to brush off last week's 27-21 overtime loss to Wesley Chapel, but they'll have to overcome another tough defense. The loss snapped a two-game win streak, and another district loss would severely damage Sunlake's playoff hopes. Meanwhile, Zephyrhills continues to search for offense, having scored just 28 points this season. The Bulldogs are coming off a 21-7 loss to Mitchell, a game in which it managed just 171 yards.

Izzy: Sunlake, 14-7. Seahawks stay in the Class 3A, District 7 hunt.

Keith: Zephyrhills, 13-12. If the Zephyrhills offense ever gets on track, look out.

Springstead (2-4) at River Ridge (2-4): These teams rely on a powerful rushing attack. The difference: River Ridge also can throw the ball a bit. Kenny Toce has thrown for 538 yards and six TDs, which in turn has helped open things up for River Ridge TB Stavros Arianas (736 yards).

Izzy: Springstead, 23-13. The Eagles are improving weekly and it shows.

Keith: River Ridge, 17-13. The Royal Knights offense has gotten more balanced; that should lead to more wins.

Land O'Lakes (5-0, 3-0) at Wesley Chapel (2-4, 1-2): The Gators are gearing up for arguably the biggest North Suncoast game of the regular season next week at Pasco. Better not overlook the Wildcats. The Wildcats could be without receiver/defensive back John Ayers (hand injury). Land O'Lakes linebacker Ben Hedblom (shoulder) will be a game-time decision, coach Matt Kitchie said.

Izzy: LOL, 35-14. Land O'Lakes preparing for huge game next week.

Keith: LOL, 35-13. Gators eat 'em up on both sides of the ball.

Central (0-5) at Ridgewood (1-5): Can Central finally break through? The Rams actually haven't played badly of late. Two weeks ago, they topped Springstead. Last week, they gave Tarpon Springs a pretty decent fight. Ridgewood could use another big game from RB Cameron Rodriguez (583 yards). Central could use some offense, period.

Izzy: Ridgewood, 18-12. A Ram defeating a Bear? Yes, it is possible.

Keith: Ridgewood, 20-10. Don't look now but the Rams are steadily improving.

Pasco (4-1, 3-0) at Anclote (0-5, 0-3): In one corner we have arguably the most physically gifted team in Pasco County. In the other, a team that has played five games in its history. Since losing to South Sumter in Week 2, the Pirates have obliterated everything in their way. QB D.J. Clower, who tossed three TDs last week, is the team's spark.

Izzy: Pasco, 42-0. Pasco benches its starters early, but not before a definitive victory.

Keith: Pasco 41-7. Look for the Pirates to roll in the first half, then shut things down in the second.

Bishop McLaughlin (1-4) at Canterbury (4-1), 6: The Hurricanes earned their first victory of the season last week against Hernando Christian. It won't get two in a row. Canterbury has won four straight.

Izzy: Canterbury, 45-7. Canterbury puts up big numbers and this week is no different.

Keith: Canterbury, 27-7. Canterbury has allowed only 46 points this season.

Friday's games

Dunnellon (5-1, 3-0) at Nature Coast (4-1, 2-1): This is homecoming week for the Sharks, and if the fans were hoping for a good show Dunnellon should provide just that. The Tigers lead Class 3A, District 6 so this is Nature Coast's shot to pull into a first-place tie. The key will be slowing Dunnellon running back Dante "Bubba" Black, who rushed for 175 yards and three touchdowns last week — in the first half — in a 41-7 win at Citrus. The Sharks' lone district loss was a 7-6 setback to Tavares. First-year coach Mark Lee said his team is beginning to hit its groove and needs to clean up mistakes, which was done during its bye week. Lee said receiver Braddie Ellison (shoulder injury) will play. Also, C.J. Baker and Ja'Juan Story will continue to share time at quarterback with Baker expected to get the majority of the snaps.

Izzy: Dunnellon, 28-27. Three weeks in a row I've picked against Nature Coast.

Keith: Nature Coast, 28-22. A tough test for the Sharks, but they should pass it.

Leesburg (4-2, 2-1) at Hernando (3-2, 2-1): The Leopards are a scrappy team, and that's just how they won last week's big district tilt at Tavares 25-13. Hernando running back Alvin Delaine has 770 yards and 12 touchdowns this season, and he's been getting some assistance from Marlin Smith (282 yards rushing, one touchdown).

Izzy: Hernando, 23-14. A win helps Hernando keep pace in 3A-6.

Keith: Hernando, 17-16. The Leopards are starting to get in the groove.

Hudson (3-2) at Orange Park Fleming Island (6-0): Question for Hudson: Who scheduled this game? Fleming Island isn't just good, it's exceptional. The Eagles, a Class 5A team, improved to 6-0 overall following last week's rout of Daytona Beach Seabreeze. In that game, they rolled up 553 yards with their no-huddle spread attack; 347 on the ground and 206 in the air. OT Ian Silberman is a Florida commit.

Izzy: Fleming Island, 42-14. Hudson struggled with Berkeley Prep, and Fleming Island is much better.

Keith: Fleming Island, 38-24. Fleming Island's balanced offense will be difficult to slow down.

Wiregrass Ranch (4-1) at Melbourne Palm Bay (5-1): This game came about late into the scheduling process when Wiregrass had an opponent pull out over the summer. Well, Palm Bay is no joke as a state contender in Class 4A. The good thing for the Bulls is that this game has no playoff implications. But they still get a shot at a true playoff caliber team.

Izzy: Palm Bay, 24-14. Not a shot at the Bulls, but this trip has loss written all over it.

Keith: Palm Bay, 28-7. Palm Bay is always tough and this year is no exception.

Ocala St. John Lutheran (1-4) at Hernando Christian (0-5), 7: This week, HCA gets a team that has had its own struggles. Can guys such as Conner Yann, Dakota D'Ambrosio and Jeremy Knight put together a solid performance and get that breakthrough win?

Izzy: HCA, 14-9. Lions roar.

Keith: HCA 8-7. If any team is due, it's HCA.

Week #8 What the HELL Happened?

2009-11-09T09:24:00.001-08:00

What the Hell Happened

by Rick "Snake" Arnold

The Last blog WTHH was pretty funny and got some good feedback so I'm back for another round. Somehow I managed to clear my schedule up entirely today! So I will grow roots into my recliner and enjoy a great day of NFL action with all of you. This is a blog meets WTHH meets my insane life. Spend a Sunday in my world...it's a scary place!

Sunday

0610: I'm up already and totally forgot about turning the clocks back...my cable box says one time, my alarm clock says the other and I'm in a beer fog of utter confusion. I must have spent 3 minutes solid looking at the two clocks trying to figure out what was going on. It's 6:10 but it's really 7:10, but not really because it is officially now 6:10 but it feels like 7:10...this day is going to be strange.

Halloween thought: I took my son Trick-or-Treating last night, he got a TON of candy. He was sneaking a piece here and there the entire way home and by the time we got back to the house he was bouncing off the walls. While out Trick-or-Treating I saw the funniest costumes ever...an entire family dressed up as The Incredibles. BWHAHAHA I can't even begin to tell you how GAY the father looked. hahahahhaa If you ever find yourself in a big red Incredibles suit walking the streets, something in your life has gone horrifically wrong. Seek help!

0810: Coffee time! I just checked the front yard...no eggs, and no TP! Sweet! Having a pretty teenage daughter brings all those little moronic teenage boys from all over the neighborhood to our house when it's prank time. Like TP'ing my car is somehow going to impress her. I just make her pick it up and I'm sure she gives them an earful. Teenage daughter is on a church trip. Since she hasn't been to church in like 5 years I can only figure "church trip" is code for raging kegger from which I can't drive home.

0900: My internal clock feels like I should be watching ESPN gameday right now...something is just not right. Oh yeah! The clock change. That is going to mess with me all day long! Another hour to kill before Gameday...what to do? What to do? I guess I'll go see how bad my college fantasy team got beat...

0902: DAMN ARMANDO ALLEN! I lost yet again and had that little Notre Dumb fruit-tart in my lineup and he decided to take the week off? Really? Just take the week off? How about I kick you so hard in your man pouch you squeal like a piggy? (Did I really just say that? I've been in Mississippi entirely too long now) Another loss in the college league and now I'm in MUST WIN territory. If I win next week I squeak into the playoffs, if I lose it's see ya next year. Pitiful.

1000: GAMEDAY!

1005: Crap...this is going to be 2 hours of Brett Favre. I totally forgot this is the "Favre to Lambeau" Sunday. Good Lord, how much of this will we have to endure?

1006: Keyshawn Johnson may very well be the dumbest commentator to ever speak (no offense Cris Collinsworth).

1007: Chris Berman may be the only dude on the planet that can pull off the comb-over and still be cool.

1008: Some guy just got his shirt signed by Joe Flacco...that scores a what? 97 on the gay-o-meter? Right on his man-boob too. I felt icky just watching it.

1010: My son has chocolate on his face and it's only 10 in the morning...WTF? I ask him if he's eating candy already and he says "Not all of it." OH!!! Well, as long as you're not eating all of it than carry on. SONOFABIOTCH. He's off to brush his teeth again and his candy is being put up. This Halloween crap is for the birds. Who came up with the brilliant idea to take already hyper kids and sugar them all up for a week? Can I create a holiday? A day where football is on from 8 in the morning until midnight and little kids go door to door handing out beers!? Picture it: I'm watching football, the game is awesome, "ding dong" I go to the door and a little kid hands me a Fat Tire and says "Happy Snake-o-ween". Tell me you wouldn't love that. Let's make it happen!

1015: I swore to myself no beer today...it's already calling me. I go all week without a beer but the weekend hits and I'm an alcoholic. WTF? My brain just says Football=beer. I've been conditioned like Pavlov's dogs...I'm now drooling.

1016: They're talking about Walter Payton...tribute day in Chicago. I miss Walter Payton. It reminds me of being a kid, playing football and having fun. How many of us pretended they were Walter as they ran through their friends? Those were the good old days. The NFL misses Walter Payton...picture says 1000 words:

http://www.pigskinaddiction.com/2009/08/Mon/default.html

1018: Time to organize the rest of this page and update my itunes...back in a few.

1027: Just checked in on Munk's Live Lineup advice page...it's going pretty smooth! Chippy is all about business! I couldn't do that lineup advice deal, I'd cuss too many of you out! hahahaha Munk keeps me far far away from the customers. hahahaha

1028: Larry Johnson is getting dumber by the day. You can't Tweet smartass stuff when you suck so bad on the field. YOU BLOW! Your best bet is to keep your mouth shut, collect your last few paychecks and go coach PE somewhere.

1052: Tom Cable is a wife-beater...great news for the Raiders. They don't have enough bad crap going on as it is. He'll be fired soon.

1053: Time to run through all 12 league lineups...Calvin Johnson is out yet again YIPPEE! Mario Manningham is out too...Hakeem Nicks just got valuable. Westbrook is out so LeSean McCoy is the clear starter for Philly. That Giants v Philly game is going to be awesome...beer calling me again...cripes. Can we go 1 Sunday without beer? NO!

1127: Only 30 more minutes to go! Come on! Let's get this party started! 8 early games and 4 late...then I can watch my Yankees go up 3-1 in the World Series (shut up...HATER!)

1128: My son is trying to set the world record for most consecutive hours playing a Nintendo DS. A good dad would make him turn it off and go read a book or something but it's Sunday! NFL action is on! My kids know they can pretty much do what they want on Sunday while dad is watching football. After beer 7 or so mass chaos breaks out and the teenagers start asking for money! If we hit beer 12 they usually get money and my son will eat 30 pieces of candy and run around the house in his Diego underwear....gotta love Sunday's.

1139: Still no beer...I think I can make it through the early games without...the Vikings vs. Packers later on the other hand is going to be nearly impossible to not beer run for that one! Oh who am I kidding, if I make it to halftime if the early games I'll be impressed.

1148: If I see one more Philly cheese steak sandwich I'm going to chew my arm off. I've been to Philly a few times and eaten those every time...they are too good. If the bag their in is all greased up, you got a good sandwich! NY Pizza vs Philly Cheese Steak? That's a brutal debate but I gotta sell out on my home town and say the cheese steak. Today's game is going to be awesome. Yankees vs Philly in the Series, Giants vs Eagles today...two cities battling it out!

1205: Leonard Weaver just ripped the Giants for a 41 yard score. Leonard Weaver? Seriously? I have a fat aunt with a fake hip that runs as fast as he does...at least to the dinner table she does.

1212: WOOHOOO My local league TE Brent Celek scores!

1217: WOOHOO My local league RB Frank Gore scores! This is starting to look like a good week! Much better than last week. I actually have 2 td's already. It took me until 5:30pm to do that last week.

1218: I know it's early but I laid money on the Niners getting 10.5 and it's starting to look like a good call. The sun is out, my players are scoring and my bets are looking good. Could it be? Is Charlie Brown going to finally kick that ball?

1226: Cowboys are down 3 to the Seahawks...anyone else smell a Cowboy/Tony Romo choke-job this week?

1227: Nevermind...36 yard score to Sam Hurd...I have Austin going! WTF? Screw Sam Hurd!

1228: Donovan McNabb completes a pass to Donovan McNabb...won't see that too often? Stupid Justin Tuck couldn't catch a cold buttass naked on the North Pole. He had a pick-6 right in his botarded mitts!

1229: Matt Forte has a whopping 3 carries for 7 yards...BUST OF THE YEAR! Jay Cutler has a cannon for an arm but aiming that cannon at the other team's DB's is just useless. Would you rather have a noodle arm accurate QB (Chad Pennington) or a wild cannon? I'll take the accurate noodle.

1231: TO has 1 catch for 3 yards...big game for him these days.

1232: The Rams are winning the WESUCKMAJORASS Bowl 3-0 over the Lions...I can barely contain my excitement.

1233: It's a beautiful day out...I should be BBQ'ing and drinking beer.

1235: Just as I talk crap about TO, he runs in a 29 yard touchdown...I'm facing him this week. Guess it is going to be a big week for him. He's such an asshat.

1236: Matt Schaub has 2 INT's already...The Bills secondary is locking him down. Houston is in trouble this week. You never know what you're going to get with Buffalo. I avoid betting on them like I avoid this little jackass at work that thinks he's in charge of the world...he's a male secretary. Dude...go get me some coffee.

1240: Chicago has a FG and then picks Derek Anderson off...how freakin' horrible is Derek Anderson? Brady Quinn really sucked so it's not like they have options but damn! He's horrible. Another FG for the Bears! They couldn't find the endzone with GPS right now! hahahahaa Matt Forte couldn't run out of a wet paper bag with a razorblade suit on.

1243: The NY Jets are locking down the Wildcat...Rex Ryan is a defensive guru...I thought surely the Phins would run all over them.

1244: Chippy just texted me: "Dude, eating cheesecake right now" My reply: "Is cheesecake your new code word for DICK?" Chippy is the Gayest Gay in Gaytown. What on earth would make him think I give half of a rat's ass whether he's eating cheesecake or not? I just don't know what the hell goes on in his brain most of the time.

1247: The Rams are beating the Lions 3-2...how appropriate. Like two monkeys screwing a football.

1249: Marion Barber scores for Dallas...WTF? Marion Barber doesn't sound anything like Miles Austin! GET AUSTIN THE BALL!

1250: Eli Manning looks terrified on the field. The Eagles are getting pressure on him and now he's just rattled. Not looking good for the G-men.

1256: Seattle scores! SWEET! Now Dallas still has to score and throw the ball....HIT AUSTIN!

1257: Chicago is in the red zone again...any bets on another FG? Yup...Another FG! BWHAHAHAHA Chicago couldn't score on Paris Hilton with a bottle of Boone's and a video camera. Cripes.

1306: Ryan Moats is carrying the rock well for Houston after Steve Slaton got benched for fumbling yet again. Slaton owners should be seriously worried! If Moats does well this game...you're screwed. You'll be looking at a committee at the very least. Slaton is like a freakin' teabag...just keeps dropping balls.

1307: So much for Alex Smith being the answer. Other than a long Frank Gore run, San Fran hasn't done JACK with the ball. You know its just a matter of time until Peyton hangs 3 quick scores on them. Come on San Fran! Move the damn ball.

1312: Oh Look! Chicago's in the red zone again!

1316: The Giants FINALLY get on the board...these early games are boring me to tears...I'm getting sleepy already!

1318: HOLY CRAP...THE RAMS SCORED! Haley's comet, David Hasselhoff sober, Paris Hilton with clothes on and the Rams scoring a touchdown...total rarities. If you see them, it's hard to believe. Of course it was a fake FG and the Rams may now have a QB controversy with kicker Josh Brown in the mix.

1320: He does it again...DeSean Jackson on the same pattern he burned the Redskins with for a deep score. Defensive coordinators around the league may just want to scope that play out...just sayin'.

1321: Holy crap! The Bears scored a touchdown! It was Matt Forte too! What next? We're going to see Big Foot today...I just know it!

1324: Eli throws another INT right down the middle of the field...he looks horrible. McNabb on the other hand is throwing laser guided DARTS! SWEET GRAB BY MACLIN! Maclin went up covered by a defender and came down with the rock. Philly has too many weapons! They are just killing NY right now! McNabb is on fire.

1329: Roy Williams scores for Dallas...WTF? Can we get Miles Austin a touchdown today? Please? Now Sam Hurd has scored, Barber has scored and Roy Williams has scored...get one to Austin and one to Witten and everyone's happy!

1334: Halftime across the board! Time to go kick my kids around and make sure they're not burning the house down...no beer run yet!

1343: Denver starts the 2nd half off by giving up a 95 yard kickoff return...they've driven down and Kyle Orton just threw a pass at the goal post! BWHAHAHAHAHA His TE was wide open off to the right and he hits the goal post. Classic Kyle Orton.

1351: Ted Ginn Jr. with a 100 yard kickoff return! WOOHOO Helps my parlay for the day. I guess Ginn is a great player as long as he doesn't have to catch the ball. Kinda sucks when you're a WR though.

1352: Denver scores on a Knowshon Moreno dive...come on Baltimore! I picked you in that parlay! You have to cover 4.5! Don't blow it! Get Ray Rice going!

1353: Now I've seen it all...Cleveland just scored a touchdown. Could today get any crazier? Browns fans should enjoy that touchdown...it's gonna be a while.

1400: I have two parlays alive still and things look pretty good but you just get that sinking feeling sometimes. My biggest worry now is the Niners and Colts. I'm getting 11.5 but the Colts just cut it to 2...2 more Colt TD's and I'm toast and there's a TON of time left. I need San Fran to eat some clock and put up some points! That's a scary spot to be in.

1403: WOW! Giants sack McNabb like groceries and come up with the fumble...Big Fat #98 realizes he's not going to waddle his fat ass for 60 yards so he pitches it to Osi Umenyiora who runs it in! Nice play for the G-men...not going to be enough, but nice play.

1413: HOLY CRAP! 101 yard kickoff return for a touchdown for Ted Ginn Jr.! That makes a 100 yard return and a 101 yard return! The guy has a turbo button. Think the Jets special teams might need some work? Here's a thought...just kick away from him nkay?

1416: Oh what the hell...the Jets turn around and connect on a 53 yard pass right after they get the ball back. What the hell is going on in that Miami-Jets game? No defense? No special teams? Back and forth long scores? Can we restore some order there? 19 yard TD to Braylon Edwards. 3 plays and they score. 2 touchdowns in the last 4 plays of that game! SLOW IT DOWN! I need the Dolphins getting 3.5! I'd rather they just win the game!

1419: Another Matt Forte touchdown! His owners are FINALLY getting some reward for drafting him. Enjoy this week...it's Cleveland people.

1422: The Rams and Lions are tied at 10! hahahahaha They just can't figure out who sucks the most.

1423: Derrick Mason scores for the Ravens, Ryan Moats scores for Houston (better scoop him off the wire this week!) and Patrick Crayton runs a kick back for Dallas! These games are going nuts!

1430: F-my life! Colts score Manning to Wayne and now have a 5 point lead. 1 more touchdown and they cover the 11.5 points I got on the Niners! COME ON SAN FRAN! CRIPES! SWEET! Indy missed the 2 pt. conversion! they're only up 4! They can score 1 more time and I still cover the spread!

1431: LeSean McCoy with a sweet 66 yard touchdown run on the Giants...the kid has skills.

1435: The little NFL.com big play blue flag just flashed "Matt Stafford completes a pass" I guess that is a big deal for Detroit.

1438: 126 yards and THREE touchdowns for Ryan Moats! Steve Slaton owners have to be punching themselves in the nutsack right now! That went from Slaton is a stud to Moats is looking good we might have a committee to Steve who? All in one game! BWHAHAHAHA Ain't fantasy football fun? Houston just went final with a 31-10 win! YEAH RYAN MOATS!

1452: Chicago stopped on 4th and goal for the 2nd time today by Cleveland...pathetic! The Bears will win the game but man that is an ugly win. Beating the Browns is about like beating the short bus kick ball team in a game of kick ball.

1454: The Dolphins have a 5 point lead, the Jets are driving with just a couple minutes left! This one is going to be a THRILLER!

1455: Denver is getting their ass whupped and it's about time! All the smoke and mirrors and lucky bounces will NOT fly with a big boy team like the Ravens. Welcome to the real AFC.

1457: Steven Jackson with a 25 yard touchdown run! He's got 147 and a score on the day...I knew that Lions matchup would pay off! Lions play run D like the Wolverines...must be a Michigan thing.

1500: I'm nailbiting here! The Jets are about to score and go up by 3 if they make the 2 pt. conversion...I got 3.5. Phew! Indy is driving and if they score they go up 11 and I got 11.5! HALF A FREAKIN POINT ON BOTH GAMES!

1502: Final score 30-7 Baltimore kicks Denver's ass...me likey.

1503: YES! Sanchez gets sacked twice...1:23 left and it's 4th down and 13! SHUTEM DOWN! YESSSS! STOPPED! DOLPHINS WIN THE GAME!

1505: Now I just need the Colts to run out the clock and not score a touchdown and I win both my morning parlays! That's worthy of a BEER RUN! $200 in our pockets for a nice morning's work!

1507: THE RAMS WIN A GAME! Thank God they had the Lions on their schedule huh?

1508: No Dallas Cowboys choke today...38-17 win as their offense and special teams did pretty much whatever they want. Romo now has Crayton, Austin, Witten and Hurd at the top of their game. With Felix Jones back the running game is on point too. Dallas has no excuses to not hang 30 points a week from this point on.

1510: LOCKED UP THE PARLAYS! Sweet! Good morning! Beer run! Back in a few minutes!

1545: I've got my beer...it's just a 6 pack...but it's a small celebration right? Afternoon games are rolling and the Vikes are up 7-3 on an Adrian Peterson run. Green Bay penalty helped them get in the endzone. This should be a good game! Only 4 games this afternoon and I have no $ riding on any of them. I'll just kick back and watch these games.

1601: Carolina is running all over Arizona! HOLY CRIPES! Can someone put an APB out on Larry Fitzgerald? What the hell? Favre throws a dart touchdown and Minnesota is just rolling now! Tennessee is finally going to win.

1608: With only 4 games going on...things sure have slowed down on the whole blog thing! hahahahha Anyone seen Larry Fitzgerald yet?

1627: L-Fitz with 2 grabs for 18 yards...how excited am I? We're nearing halftime of all the afternoon games and Tennessee is looking good as well as Carolina. There goes my PA Pick'em picks. hahahaha

1644: Maurice Jones-Drew has an 80 yard and now a 79 yard touchdown! HOLY CRAP! He's GOING OFF! The Titans HAD a great run D and horrible pass D...that's changing after this game! So much for starting Mike Sims-Walker. CRIPES!

1704: Percy Harvin takes one in from 51 and Chris Johnson busts a long touchdown. I guess Vince Young may be the answer for now...

1715: A quick turnover by the Vikings and Aaron Rodgers finds TE Spencer Havner to make this a ballgame again! Better than a blowout that's for sure! Is it time for my Yankee game yet?

1717: How in the HELL are the Raiders hanging with the Chargers? 21-13 SD and the Raiders are knocking on the door! The Chargers are shooting themselves in the damn foot. No way on earth the Raiders should win this game. What the hell is going on in these late games?

1727: Chris Johnson for 89 yards! HOLY CRIPES! 220 yards on the day! Green Bay scores again Rodgers to Havner and we have a serious 4th quarter coming here!

1739: Favre to the rescue....Vikings drive and Favre throws his 3rd td of the day. This game is GREAT! The other afternoon games gargle marbles.

1744: I'm really looking forward to tomorrow night's game! It should be an awesome matchup! This clock turned back thing wreaks havoc on our pee wee football practice! hahahaha It will be dark when we start practice. Coaching 5-8 year-olds is hard enough in daylight! Herding cats is twice as hard in the dark! hahahaha 1 more week to our season and it's over. We are the Detroit Lions of our league :(

1800: The Chargers held off the Raiders and the Titans got their first win behind a HUGE day from Chris Johnson. Vince Young adds an extra dimension to their attack and the job is his to keep now. Kerry Collins can't do anything anyways...he's washed up.

1809: Well, Vikes just scored and that game is over. Carolina has Arizona whupped! Time to go watch my Yankees...an interesting day of NFL action in the books! Can't wait for tomorrow night's game!

A Split Decision In November?

2009-11-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

By Sean Trende

Four important elections will be held two-and-a-half weeks from today. There’s a Congressional race in upstate New York, where Republicans will fight, both against a Democrat and among themselves, to hold onto a district they have held ever since the Republican Party was founded. There’s the New York City mayoral race, where Democrat-turned-Republican-turned-Independent Mike Bloomberg will fight sagging poll numbers and spend untold millions of his personal fortune try to hold on in one of the bluest localities in America.

But the main events will be the gubernatorial races in New Jersey and Virginia. These races will not only excite the winner, they could potentially have an impact on the shape of the health care debate. If Republicans win both, and especially if they win them handily, it may cause blue dog Democrats and other Democrats from Republican-leaning districts to conclude that the tide has shifted substantially against Democrats, making them less willing to support the President's agenda. On the other hand, if Democrats win both – especially the Virginia race – it will be taken as a sign that the swing against Barack Obama since Election Day 2008 has been vastly overstated.

Even as late as July, the conventional wisdom was that the GOP was on track to win both races. Today that picture is more complicated. Virginia moved to a tossup shortly after Labor Day, but now seems to have shifted back to a likely Republican win. The Republican candidate in New Jersey, on the other hand, may be in the process of pulling off a choke not seen since Greg Norman lost the 1996 Master’s.

Virginia

The Virginia gubernatorial race pits former Attorney General Bob McDonnell against state Senator Creigh Deeds. The two candidates faced off in the 2005 Attorney General race, which McDonnell won by fewer than 1,000 votes. This race does not promise to be nearly as close.

Since winning the Democratic primary in June, Deeds briefly surged to a lead in the polls, and then fell behind by about ten points. The dynamics changed again in late August, when McDonnell revealed that he had authored a thesis while attending ~~Liberty~~ Regent University. The Washington Post examined the contents of the thesis, and they proved explosive. To quote the Post, the thesis:

described working women and feminists as "detrimental" to the family . . . said government policy should favor married couples over "cohabitators, homosexuals or fornicators" . . . [and] described as "illogical" a 1972 Supreme Court decision legalizing the use of contraception by unmarried couples.

The tenor of the race was instantly transformed. Analysts immediately began comparing the event to George Allen’s infamous “macaca” moment. The polls didn’t move at first. But eventually Deeds narrowed the gap between him and McDonnell to within the error margin.

In the past few days, however, polls have shown movement back toward McDonnell. Five consecutive polls have pegged McDonnell’s edge at around 10%. Unless Deeds has a stunning revelation up his sleeve this race is a likely Republican victory.

Why has “thesis-gate” not really caught on? There are several reasons. First, the macaca comment was an unambiguous comment that was caught on camera. Millions of people could see exactly what George Allen said and exactly how he said it, and knew that he used that word in 2006.

The McDonnell comments, by contrast, were written twenty years ago. Reasonable minds can differ on whether McDonnell would still stand by those writings today. Additionally, few people have bothered to read the thesis. Unlike the videotaped macaca comment, the largely-unread thesis is open to interpretation in advertisements, and McDonnell has been able to argue that the comments quoted by Deeds are simply taken out of context. In other words, McDonnell has been able to create doubt about what the thesis really says, a path that YouTube rendered unavailable to Allen.

Second, people forget just how conservative the Commonwealth of Virginia is. For all the talk of its trending toward the Democrats, it is a state that just three short years ago passed a fairly draconian measure that banned both same sex marriages and any form of civil union, and that it did so by a fairly strong 57%-43% margin. Mark Warner won narrowly in 2001 by running as a self-described conservative Democrat, while Tim Kaine won narrowly in 2005 in the midst of a nationwide Republican collapse. And Republicans still won three of the four downticket races in those years.

In other words, there are probably quite a few people who agree that traditional nuclear families should be favored over homosexuals, and that feminists are “detrimental” to the country. There are almost certainly more people who agree with these statements than there are people who believe it is okay to use a racial slur. Given that Allen barely lost in 2006, that difference is critical.

Third, McDonnell had a superior campaign response. George Allen probably could have saved his candidacy by quickly apologizing to the teen, and moving on. After all, if he had changed the minds of only 3,700 people, he’d have held on to his Senate seat.

Instead, he made the absurd argument that “macaca” was a reference to the student’s mohawk haircut and refused to apologize until after the story had taken on a life of its own. The story also led to a slew of other stories about a noose that he kept outside of his law office, racial comments he supposedly made during the 1970s and 1980s, and his supposed efforts to conceal his partial Jewish heritage. In other words, by failing to get in front of the story, Allen allowed Macaca-gate to create a full-blown narrative against him. In a year where George W. Bush was radioactive, that was enough to topple the junior Senator from Virginia.

McDonnell, on the other hand, emerged from Labor Day with a strong response. He immediately got out in front of the story, holding conference calls with newspapers and explaining his present views. He ran advertisements citing his accomplishments on women’s issues, and spotlighting his daughters, one of whom is an Iraq War veteran. Perhaps his most compelling response has been an ad that featured a diverse assortment of female Assistant and Deputy Attorneys General defending his record and his efforts to further their careers. In effect, this gave voters who were unsure about Creigh Deeds but also concerned about McDonnell’s thesis a compelling counternarrative they could latch onto, something Allen never managed to do.

Finally, Deeds’ campaign has been terrible. Part of it isn’t his fault; unlike Allen, the thesis turned out to be a one-off story, not the tip of the iceberg for a series of unflattering news profiles. Yet Deeds has also grossly overplayed his hand. From what I’ve seen on T.V. in Richmond, the only thing the average Virginia knows about Creigh Deeds is that he doesn’t like Bob McDonnell’s thesis. Note that this doesn’t say anything about Creigh Deeds. His primary advertisements give voters no idea what Deeds’ transportation plan is, what his budget plan is, and what his stance on any number of issues relevant to the Commonwealth is. While this may have been enough to woo some Northern Virginia voters into the Deeds camp, it has done little for the voters in the rest of the state. Indeed SurveyUSA’s regional polling has shown some movement toward Deeds in NoVa, but has shown movement toward McDonnell elsewhere in the state. In addition, Deeds suffered quite a bit of negative publicity when he gave ameandering, contradictory answer on whether or not he'd raise taxes, which allowed McDonnell to shift the debate back toward Deeds.

A campaign like Deeds’ would have worked in a year like 2006, when Republicans were operating under a heavy presumption of incompetence. It doesn’t appear to be working this year. Right now it looks as though McDonnell will win this race by double digits– the largest margin of victory for any statewide candidate in a decade. The biggest question right now is whether Republicans will sweep the down-ticket races, and how many seats they will reclaim in the House of Delegates.

New Jersey

New Jersey is kind of like the Virginia race in reverse. For most of the cycle, the race has been about incumbent Governor Jon Corzine, whose approval ratings have been in the gutter for much of his term. U.S. Attorney Chris Christie cruised to a comfortable polling lead in the summer.

This led to Christie’s problem. He initially presented himself as the “anti-corruption” candidate, and rather than spending the summer developing and presenting strong platforms on a variety of issues, he continued to cultivate his reformer image. In a state where the Republican brand is still unpopular, this was a critical error. He should have used the summer to put Corzine away by taking ownership of other issues, and choking off any potential avenue of attack from the governor. But he allowed himself to get comfortable.

So Corzine did what any team that’s ten points down does if it wants to win: He attacked. He attacked Christie for a loan he made to a subordinate and failed to disclose. He attacked Christie for his use of his government credentials to avoid traffic tickets. He attacked Christie for being a Bush/Rove appointee. He even attacked Christie for his weight. Anyone following the race closely half expected Corzine to show up at a rally and throw a literal kitchen sink at his opponent.

This did nothing to improve Corzine’s standing with the voters. In fact, he still has only cleared 42 percent of the vote in a single poll all year. The RCP chart tells the tale. What has happened is that the attacks on Christie have taken a heavy toll on the challenger’s popularity; his favorables are now only modestly better than Corzine’s. Since Corzine has damaged him on his signature issue – corruption – and since he failed to develop any alternative narratives supporting his candidacy over the summer, he has been left vulnerable in a state that is not favorably disposed toward his party.

In a normal two-person race, this probably wouldn’t have been enough to sling an unpopular Governor such as Corzine back into contention. What has really made this race problematic for Christie has been the emergence of Independent Chris Daggett. Daggett worked as an official in the administration of popular Republican Governor Tom Kean, and has worked in a variety of consulting firms since then.

Daggett has appeared moderate, likeable, quirky, and most importantly, knowledgeable about the issues. He likely won the October 1 debate, and received the endorsement of the state’s leading paper, The Star-Ledger. The result has been a sharp increase in his standing in the polls; he currently receives 11.6 percent in the RCP average.

This, in turn, has provided an alternate outlet for voters who can’t vote for Corzine, but are uncomfortable with Christie. And most importantly, it has lowered the threshold for what it takes to win. Corzine seems unable to top 43% in polls. But if Daggett receives 14% of the vote (as the last two polls have shown), then 43% will be enough to win.

That leaves the race with three “x” factors. Third party candidacies have a history of flaming out in the voting booth: It is one thing to tell a pollster that you will vote for a candidate who can’t win; it is another thing to pull the level in the voting booth. But sometimes they don’t; witness H. Ross Perot in 1992. Moreover, New Jersey's strange ballot positioning law ensures that Christie and Corzine are in the top position on the ballot, while Daggett will be buried among ten other third party candidates. This could eat into Daggett's lead, especially among people who don't remember his name, or aren't enthusiastic enough about him to hunt for him on the ballot. If pollsters like Rasmussen Reports and Daily Kos are correct, and Daggett’s “true” support is in the low single digits, then a Christie victory becomes much more probable. If SurveyUSA and FDU have it right, Christie is in serious trouble.

The second “x” factor is how undecideds break. The conventional wisdom is that they break against the incumbent, but the reality is more complicated. When one of the candidates is largely unknown, that candidate can bank on receiving a huge portion of the undecided vote. But when both candidates are well known, undecideds will tend to stick with the status quo (which is what happened to John Kerry in 2004). This is doubly true in a moderately Democratic state like New Jersey, where many of the undecideds can be assumed to have Democratic leanings. Remember that in 2005, Corzine led by only 6.4 points in the RCP average on Election Day. He won by 10.45 points.

Finally, there is the question of turnout. Republicans believe that their side is energized this election while the other side is demoralized. Is this true? If so, Christie may overperform his poll numbers.

I normally hate it when analysts call a race a tossup; if oddsmakers used the "pick 'em" designation with the frequency that analysts used the "tossup" category, they would all be out of jobs. But this race really is a coin flip. Forced to make a call, I'd conclude that the edge still goes to Christie, since Daggett will probably underperform somewhat and Corzine can't seem to get above 42% in the polls, but there are certainly strong arguments to be made the other direction. Pay close attention to Daggett's numbers in the polls in the upcoming weeks, and see if Corzine can get to 45% in any polling.

If there is a split decision, both parties will have something to brag about. Republicans will likely emphasize McDonnell’s strong win in a state that had been one of the linchpins of the "Emerging Democratic Majority," and will emphasize New Jersey’s blue fundamentals. Democrats will emphasize Deeds’ weak campaign and argue that, in the end, voters in New Jersey decided they would rather re-elect a Governor with approval ratings in the 30s and 40s than vote for a Republican. This will probably be enough to cheer up the Republican base. It remains to be seen if it will be enough to affect the health care debate.

Freddy and Tonie Lopez, living a life with God

2009-11-09T09:21:00.001-08:00

When a 16-year-old boy told Freddy Lopez that his ministry had kept him off drugs, he knew he was doing the right thing.

"We live an exciting life. It’s God, the bottom line," said Lopez, 36. He and his wife, Tonie, are both youth pastors at Grace Point Fellowship at 2601 Bothwell Rd. They’re also sportsinstructors at the church’s Destiny Christian Academy, a private school. She also teaches Bible and history, while he teaches Spanish and keyboarding.

"This is how teenagers are going to come in to know God, because it’s a sports ministry, because basketball, volleyball, martial arts, all this stuff," he said. "They’re just tools to bring them in, to have fun, and then we share with them the love of Christ."

Freddie Lopez, a Roma native, and his wife operated a martial arts academy in Austin until about a year ago. The couple, who married 15 years ago after meeting at Texas Bible Institute in Columbus and now have two children, were happy where they lived and had no plans of leaving. However, they received a calling to take a new path in life.

The pastors at Grace Fellowship were looking for youth ministers. They knew of Freddy and Tonie Lopez and contacted Tonie Lopez’s mother, who contacted the couple.

"We came down, we talked with them, and they said, ‘We have this humongous gym,’" Freddy Lopez recalled.

"What is it being used for?" he asked them. The building wasn’t being used for anything, they said.

"We fainted," he recalled. "We couldn’t believe it was just a building sitting there. We really prayed about it, debated, talked about it, and then we said, ‘You know what? Let’s pack everything in a Penske truck and let’s go for it."

The rest is history. They enjoy their ministry here, which includes opening the gym on Wednesday after school.

"All these teenagers come almost straight from Harlingen South High School, and we feed them, too," he said. "We give ‘em hot dogs, or sometimes a parent might make some chili. They come over, they eat, they play, they get the word of God, and then they play a little bit more, and their parents come pick ‘em up. Give them an outlet or they’re gonna find something else."

Their outreach also includes the use of Dave’s Weight Club, 417 N. 1st St. The owner offered to let them use the space so local youth can have a place to study martial arts, and Freddy and his wife work with the children on Mondays and Fridays.

"What he did, he says, ‘I want to get the kids out, I don’t know how to teach this karate or martial arts or anything, but if you can teach them I’ll open the place," he said. "He invested some money on an octagon in there, and he’s looking for a 15-passenger van to pick up the kids, and he says, ‘If I bring ‘em in, you give ‘em God and martial arts, and I’ll help you.’"

On octagon is used the same way a boxing ring is used, to train people in boxing and martial arts, Lopez said.

For more information about these youth programs, call Freddy Lopez at 454-5036.

The Rockstar Ramblings: Glam Band Album Names

2009-11-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

This week Ratt finally released the name of their upcoming album. The title is Infestation and not Caught Cheating as I had guessed. All said and done I probably had a 50/50 chance…Vince Neil will soon be announcing the name of his upcoming solo album. The world waits on the edge of their seats…

All of the album talk got me in the mood for a breakdown of album titles from the eighties and of course placing them into categories: Sex Sells, Hard Hats, We Are Heavy Metal, We Are Evil, and There Is Still Coke Left, Let the Fans Figure Out The Meaning…

SEX SELLS: Using sexual innuendo and tongue in cheek phrases goes back to the sixties, but was perfected in the eighties. Warrant’s blatant use of Cherry Pie fits as does KISS’s Lick It Up and Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet. It’s David Lee Roth’s Eat’em and Smile and Poison’s Open Up and Say Ahh! take the cake in this one…

HARD HATS: For the hard rock acts that want people to know their music is for the people, more John Cougar like. Some bands had the titles, for example, Skid Row’s Slave To The Grind suggests a band that worked very hard; however, as hard as they worked I doubt it warrants the title used. Bon Jovi’s New Jersey is probably the closest we come to a true hard hat attempt (although even this is weak). Bon Jovi has spent their careers trying to be The E Street Band. After many years, and many albums, they are still not The E Street Band.

WE ARE HEAVY METAL: This is quite simply where AC/DC thrives. Album titles T.N.T., Back In Black, and Thunderstruck are a sample of titles meant to convey a message. I believe the message is: “We’re going to fuck your shit up!” Other honorable mentions are Def Lepard for Pyromania, Buckcherry’s Time Bomb, and Guns N Roses Appetite For Destruction.

WE ARE EVIL: Similar to the previous, but darker. Here we have Motley Crue’s Shout at The Devil, Ratt’s Out of The Cellar, and Marilyn Manson’s Antichrist Superstar. However, if I have to pick one it will always be Ozzy Osbourne’s Diary of a Madman.

THERE IS STILL COKE LEFT, LET THE FANS FIGURE OUT THE MEANING: Pretty self explanatory. Some of my favorites in this category are David Lee Roth’s Crazy From The Heat, Guns N Roses The Spaghetti Incident?, Ozzy’s Blizzard of Ozz (why the second Z?), and Motley Crue’s Theatre of Pain which contains the painless songs “Smoking In The Boys Room” and “Home Sweet Home”

David S. Grant is the author of books Corporate Porn, Bleach|Blackout, Hollywood Ending, Emotionless Souls, and The Last Breakfast. His new book, Rock Stars: The rise, fall, and rise of glam frontmen into pop culture, will be available in November 2009. For more information please go to http://www.davidsgrant.com.